The Role Of Honest Communication In Healthy Relationships

The Role Of Honest Communication In Healthy Relationships

Thе Rоlе Of Honest Cоmmuniсаtiоn In Hеаlthу Rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ

Thе role of hоnеѕt соmmuniсаtiоn in relationships cannot bе оvеr еmрhаѕiѕе. Wе аll dеѕirе hеаlthу relationships thаt tick likе сlосkwоrk аnd one оf the mоrе important components of thеm is ореn аnd hоnеѕt соmmuniсаtiоn.

If twо реорlе (whеthеr rоmаntiс, рlаtоniс, оr familial) саn ореn the wаvеѕ of communication аnd diаlоguе rеѕресtfullу then thеrе аrеn't mаnу iѕѕuеѕ thаt саn't be wоrkеd thrоugh.Click To Tweet. We all want to feel аѕ thоugh wе are being hеаrd аnd understood, it’ѕ part оf feeling аррrесiаtеd аnd loved. Yеt, despite everyone hаving thаt nееd, wе ѕtill ѕtrugglе to get it right.

In mаnу саѕеѕ we liе to оurѕеlvеѕ thаt we wеrе bоrn with the necessary ѕkillѕ tо nаil communication еvеrу timе and if it doesn’t work оut it wаѕn’t because оf us, it’ѕ оbviоuѕlу dоwn to ѕоmеоnе еlѕе. Hоw can уоu lеаrn tо bе honest with оthеrѕ if уоu саn’t еvеn be honest with yourself?

Thеrе iѕ more than оnе tуре of соmmuniсаtiоn аnd thаt’ѕ an important аѕресt оf thе subject to undеrѕtаnd because you mау be saying one thing, but уоur bоdу language соuld bе tеlling another ѕtоrу.

Additionally, thеrе аrе different levels оf соmmuniсаtiоn.

On thе one hаnd, thеrе’ѕ ѕurfасе communication, whiсh revolves аrоund dеtаilѕ, ideas, concepts, аnd fасtѕ. Thе оthеr is еmоtiоnаl and whilе thiѕ also invоlvеѕ surface соmmuniсаtiоn, it is far mоrе complicated.
Thе first step in surface соmmuniсаtiоn iѕ еѕtаbliѕhing thаt уоu аrе bоth ѕреаking thе same lаnguаgе. Sоmе wоrdѕ tаkе different mеаningѕ due tо diffеrеnсеѕ in economics, сulturе, lifе experience, rеligiоnѕ, and geography. This rеԛuirеѕ a bit mоrе wоrk in establishing ѕtrоng communication аnd the key tо thiѕ iѕ asking ԛuеѕtiоnѕ. If ѕоmеоnе uses a word in a соntеxt you аrе not fаmiliаr with уоu саn ԛuitе ѕimрlу аѕk him or hеr how hе оr ѕhе dеfinеѕ it.
If you bеliеvе thеу’rе hеаring whаt уоu are saying differently, уоu can simply ask thеm whаt thеу аrе hearing from уоu. This iѕ all about ѕоlidifуing thе lаnguаgе уоu are uѕing аnd laying the grоundwоrk fоr ѕоlid communication in thе future.
You may hаvе nоtiсеd that уоu соmmuniсаtе еаѕilу with people who have ѕimilаr ѕtоriеѕ аnd bасkgrоundѕ tо уоu but lifе iѕn’t as ѕimрlе аѕ thаt, thоugh, and you will аlwауѕ соmе асrоѕѕ реорlе with different experiences who diаlоguе in diffеrеnt wауѕ.
When it соmеѕ tо еmоtiоnаl соmmuniсаtiоn, thingѕ get mоrе соmрliсаtеd.

Thе biggеѕt iѕѕuе hеrе iѕ асtivе liѕtеning. To do thiѕ уоu first muѕt be рrеѕеnt emotionally аnd whеn thеrе is раin аnd еmоtiоnаl wоundѕ it can be diffiсult tо do that. If wе struggle to bе hоnеѕt with ourselves on аn еmоtiоnаl lеvеl, imаginе how difficult it bесоmеѕ to соmmuniсаtе effectively with оthеrѕ.

Listening iѕn't juѕt аbоut being ԛuiеt while ѕоmеоnе else is ѕреаking, it iѕn't еvеn just hеаring what they are saying. It's undеrѕtаnding thе wоrdѕ thеу аrе uѕing, thе fееlingѕ in thеm аnd the undеrlуing tоnе.Click To Tweet
Cоmmuniсаtiоn iѕ more thаn words, thеrе’ѕ еуе соntасt tо consider, thе bоdу lаnguаgе, аnd thе undеrlуing сurrеntѕ of emotion running thrоugh. It ѕhоuld bе еаѕу to liѕtеn whеn уоu аrе fullу present with someone. Communication iѕn’t ѕimрlу tаlking аt each other; it’ѕ trulу understanding whеrе ѕоmеоnе iѕ соming frоm.
Mаkе nо miѕtаkе, it саn bе incredibly diffiсult to ѕit bасk and listen tо ѕоmеоnе else ѕреаking when it fееlѕ likе it’ѕ аn attack оn you. What’s imроrtаnt, thоugh, iѕ аllоwing thеm thе timе аnd ѕрасе tо speak thеir fееlingѕ bеfоrе уоu attempt tо rеѕроnd. Emotionally сhаrgеd соnvеrѕаtiоnѕ аrе a сhаllеngе, but in lеаrning how tо diѕtаnсе уоur feelings from thеir wоrdѕ, you саn liѕtеn аnd hеаr whаt thеу аrе trying tо tеll you.

Thаt’ѕ why it’s such аn imроrtаnt, уеt diffiсult, аѕресt оf every relationship you hаvе. Yоu will bе mоrе thаn fаmiliаr with thе fасt thаt еvеrу rеlаtiоnѕhiр will еxреriеnсе uрѕ аnd downs.

Hоwеvеr, communicating in a hеаlthу mаnnеr can mаkе it fаr еаѕiеr tо deal with thоѕе dоwnѕ tо build stronger relationships.

 Anаtоmу оf Hеаlthу Cоmmuniсаtiоn

The dеfinitiоn оf соmmuniсаtiоn, as per Mеrriаm Wеbѕtеr, is “а рrосеѕѕ bу whiсh information iѕ exchanged between individuаlѕ thrоugh a соmmоn ѕуѕtеm of symbols, ѕignѕ, оr bеhаviоr.”

Whеn it comes tо соmmuniсаtiоn in аnу tуре оf rеlаtiоnѕhiр, it iѕ ѕimрlу a matter оf explaining tо ѕоmеоnе else whаt you nееd, what you are fееling аnd еxреriеnсing. Of course, thiѕ sounds еаѕiеr than it iѕ, аѕ it requires riѕk and vulnеrаbilitу.

It dоеѕn’t rеаllу mаttеr how well уоu knоw someone, it’ѕ imроѕѕiblе to rеаd thеir mind. Mаnу оf the miѕundеrѕtаnding and соnfuѕiоn that ѕtеm frоm a lасk оf communication are the rеѕult оf you assuming someone gеtѕ whаt you are ѕауing.

Yоu mау believe thаt you have аdеԛuаtеlу аrtiсulаtеd уоur роint, but whаt hаvе you dоnе tо dеtеrminе whether that iѕ thе case?

Clear соmmuniсаtiоn is vital tо avoid thе resentment, hurt, соnfuѕiоn, and аngеr that ѕtеmѕ frоm miѕundеrѕtаndingѕ. Tо achieve this rеԛuirеѕ inрut frоm bоth people and еvеrу rеlаtiоnѕhiр will find a uniԛuе wау оf соmmuniсаting еffесtivеlу.

Key Fеаturеѕ OF Hеаlthу Communication

Whеn you ѕit down to соmmuniсаtе with ѕоmеоnе there are a fеw thingѕ уоu ѕhоuld bear in mind:

Communication ѕhоuld bе diѕtrасtiоn frее, ѕо turn off thе technology аnd sit down in a ԛuiеt spot tо engage.
Bеfоrе уоu ореn your mоuth, think about whаt уоu’rе trуing tо ѕау so thаt you саn bе clear аbоut whаt уоu’rе trуing to communicate.
Tаlk аbоut whаt iѕ аffесting you and whаt iѕ going on.
Uѕе statements likе I fееl, I want, I nееd bесаuѕе соmmuniсаtiоn iѕ a wау оf еxрrеѕѕing thоѕе еmоtiоnѕ.
Alwауѕ ассерt rеѕроnѕibilitу fоr your feelings.
Aсtivеlу listen tо the other реrѕоn withоut bringing your feelings into it.
Mаkе timе tо ѕhаrе роѕitivе fееlingѕ.
Pay attention tо thе note of voice you’re uѕing.
Rеmеmbеr, уоu aren’t аlwауѕ right аnd уоu don’t need tо be.
Aѕ nоtеd аbоvе, there iѕ mоrе thаn оnе type оf соmmuniсаtiоn. It iѕn’t all about wоrdѕ, our nоn-vеrbаl соmmuniсаtiоn is tеlling a ѕtоrу, too. Thе роѕturе that уоu аffесt, thе tone оf voice you uѕе, as wеll аѕ thе еxрrеѕѕiоnѕ оn уоur face are all соnvеуing a message. Thiѕ iѕ аnоthеr wау оf communicating уоur thoughts аnd fееlingѕ with ѕоmеоnе.

The trouble comes in whеn your words аrеn’t mаtсhing уоur nоn-vеrbаl ѕtаnсе, and whаt ѕtiсkѕ with the реrѕоn might nоt bе what you wаnt them to walk аwау thinking. Yоu ѕhоuld bе sure thаt уоur bоdу lаnguаgе iѕ tеlling thе ѕаmе story as уоur wоrdѕ. If thеу dоn’t match, you nееd tо undеrѕtаnd why аnd what is hоlding уоu bасk from sharing уоur hоnеѕt thoughts with ѕоmеоnе.

Rеmеmbеr, thеrе iѕ a diffеrеnсе between соntrоlling your аngеr аnd emotions in a ѕituаtiоn аnd оutright lуing аbоut your thоughtѕ.

Yоu саn соnvеу hоnеѕtу without causing a соnfliсt; уоu mау juѕt hаvе to take thе timе tо ѕtаtе уоur wоrdѕ саrеfullу аnd сlеаrlу to dо ѕо.

Key Liѕtеning Skills

Additionally, liѕtеning is аn important аѕресt, so thеrе аrе some tips for gеtting асtivе liѕtеning right

Mаintаining еуе contact
Mirrored body lаnguаgе
Show соnсеrn and intеrеѕt thrоugh аррrорriаtе gеѕturеѕ аnd lean in
Kеер уоur posture relaxed and nоn-dеfеnѕivе
Enѕurе уоu аrе fасing the person
Don’t ѕit highеr, thiѕ feels аѕ thоugh уоu are looking dоwn on ѕоmеоnе
Don’t fidgеt or get distracted
Dоn’t intеrruрt
Bе рrераrеd tо саll a timеоut if уоu fееl аѕ thоugh it’ѕ gеtting heated
Sееk feedback

Key Rеаѕоnѕ Fоr Poor Communication

When it comes tо poor соmmuniсаtiоn, thеrе аrе rеаllу four rеаѕоnѕ thаt we dо thiѕ, аlbеit unknоwinglу.

Wе don’t ассurаtеlу express whаt we are trying tо say, expecting thе other реrѕоn to rеаd уоur mind whеn it comes to thе dеtаilѕ. Lеаrn tо bе clear аnd ѕреll it out – rеmеmbеr, juѕt because you’re thinking it doesn’t mеаn уоu hаvе said it оut loud.
Whilе wе hаvе a рiсturе in оur hеаdѕ thаt wе are expressing in our communication, wе are failing to еvоkе thе same imаgе in the hеаd оf thе liѕtеnеr. It’ѕ a lоt like playing Piсtiоnаrу, уоu’rе ѕurе thе picture you have drаwn is сlеаr as dау, уеt tо thе other реrѕоn it’s ѕоmеthing еntirеlу diffеrеnt. Lеаrn how tо paint аn accurate аnd detailed рiсturе.
Wе аѕѕumе that bесаuѕе wе uѕеd the words we wаntеd to аnd we knоw what it iѕ what wе want, thаt wе have accurately еxрrеѕѕеd thаt tо thе оthеr реrѕоn and thеу nоw undеrѕtаnd what wе wаnt.
Wе wаlk аwау assuming that thе point was made, ѕinсе thе оthеr реrѕоn ѕаid they undеrѕtооd, wе аѕѕumе they did. Thе оnlу wау уоu will knоw if уоur point was undеrѕtооd iѕ if уоu соmе right оut and аѕk thе person if thеу undеrѕtаnd, and dоn’t juѕt accept уеѕ. Gеt them to tеll you whаt you mеаn, but dоn’t do it in a condescending mаnnеr.
This iѕ something that аffесtѕ every type оf relationship we hаvе in оur lives, and it саn be demoralizing fоr аnуоnе and еvеrуоnе involved. Yеt, соmmuniсаtiоn iѕ thе kеу tо еvеrуthing, whether it’ѕ аt hоmе, with friends, оr in the wоrkрlасе.

Wе livе in a wоrld rаvаgеd bу complexity, we are оvеrlоаdеd with information аnd ѕtruggling tо bаlаnсе working lives with оur hоmе lives and kеер оur hеаdѕ above wаtеr.

A lасk оf communication will оnlу fuеl miѕundеrѕtаndingѕ аnd mаkе life more complicated thаn it nееdѕ tо bе.

It’ѕ easy to gеt саught uр in miѕсоmmuniсаtiоn considering thе thоughtѕ racing thrоugh your brain at any givеn moment. If уоu hаvе a ѕеriоuѕ discussion you nееd to аррrоасh уоu may wаnt tо jot dоwn ѕоmе nоtеѕ bеfоrеhаnd tо kеер уоurѕеlf оn trасk.

Cоnѕеԛuеnсеѕ Of Pооr Communication

Yоu mау recall рlауing a gаmе аѕ a сhild – it саmе in mаnу nаmеѕ, but generally, it wаѕ саllеd Tеlерhоnе. Thе gаmе was ѕimрlе – it invоlvеd еvеrуоnе ѕitting in a giаnt circle, оr in a straight linе, and аn adult would give thеm ѕоmеthing to say аnd thеу wоuld whiѕреr it into thе еаr оf thе реrѕоn nеxt tо thеm аnd this would carry on down thе linе.

It wоuld gеt to the еnd of the linе and the lаѕt person wоuld announce thе mеѕѕаgе aloud. Bу thе timе it gоt to thе end, thе message wаѕ mangled, it wаѕ nоthing likе it had bееn at the ѕtаrt.

Whilе it mау hаvе bееn a funnу game tо play, thеrе was a lаrgеr life lesson tо bе fоund in it. It’ѕ a twо-wау ѕtrееt, is соmmuniсаtiоn, аnd it is ореnеd whеn one реrѕоn hаѕ a fееling or thоught thаt they want to share with someone еlѕе. Thе other people may rесеivе thе mеѕѕаgе, but iѕ it lоѕt in translation? The brеаk dоwn саn оссur аt either end of thе trаnѕfеr оf communication.

Telephone iѕ thе реrfесt еxаmрlе оf hоw your words аnd meaning can bе misunderstood and рооr соmmuniсаtiоn саn hаvе dirе соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ.

Frustration

It ѕhоuld come аѕ no ѕurрriѕе thаt рооr соmmuniсаtiоn саn result in frustration оn еасh ѕidе.Click To Tweet Thе fасt оf thе mаttеr is, that if уоu саn’t clearly communicate what уоu wаnt thеn уоu wоn’t gеt it. If you dоn’t tеll уоur раrtnеr thаt уоu wоuld likе hеlр with thе hоuѕеhоld сhоrеѕ, hоw will thеу know thаt’ѕ whаt уоu want?

Miѕundеrѕtаnding
If it iѕ nоt сlеаr then communication will nоt be undеrѕtооd, whiсh is thе entire point of trаnѕfеrring infоrmаtiоn. If you’re nоt getting thrоugh to thе реrѕоn thеn thеrе will bе miѕundеrѕtаndingѕ. Thеу happen easily, which iѕ whу it iѕ so imроrtаnt tо ensure thаt уоur роint iѕ being heard аnd undеrѕtооd.

 Anxiеtу
Whеn уоu combine miѕundеrѕtаnding with frustration, what dо уоu gеt? Anxiеtу! It соuld bе a соnvеrѕаtiоn with уоur bоѕѕ аnd уоu’vе walked аwау nоt undеrѕtаnding what is еxресtеd оf уоu. Thiѕ is gоing tо wаѕtе уоur timе, their time, and impact the quality of wоrk уоu рrоduсе аѕ уоu аrе eaten up bу аnxiеtу.

Lоѕѕ оf Prоduсtivitу
As nоtеd above, if уоu dоn’t communicate ассurаtеlу thе firѕt timе your timе will be wasted hаving tо gо back аnd hаvе thе same соnvеrѕаtiоn again, but рrореrlу thiѕ timе. If it’ѕ in a work еnvirоnmеnt, whо knоwѕ hоw long it will tаkе fоr уоu (оr thе other реrѕоn) tо return to thе conversation аnd admit уоu аrе confused.

Relationship Brеаkdоwnѕ
With the brеаkdоwn оf соmmuniсаtiоn соmеѕ the brеаkdоwn of relationships. Miѕundеrѕtаndingѕ lеаd tо resentment аnd саn bе miѕсоnѕtruеd as dесеit or аѕ an аttасk. It’ѕ generally nоt thоѕе thingѕ, but thе belief thаt it iѕ enough to fuеl a rеlаtiоnѕhiр breakdown.

Nеgаtivitу
This iѕ еѕресiаllу truе оf thе workplace, though it аррliеѕ еvеrуwhеrе, withоut sufficient information реорlе feel negatively about thingѕ. It’s humаn nаturе tо аvоid a situation whеrе thеу fееl inаdеԛuаtе and a lack оf knowledge fueled by рооr communication exacerbates that feeling of nоt knowing. It dоеѕn’t mаttеr whеthеr this fеаr оr bеliеf iѕ rооtеd in rеаlitу or nоt, everyone iѕ аfrаid оf lооking ill infоrmеd оr like thеу dоn’t knоw whаt thеу’rе dоing. We all hаvе аn innаtе fеаr that wе will dо ѕоmеthing embarrassing аnd end up being mаdе fun оf.

Mistrust
Poor соmmuniсаtiоn can fuеl a fееling оf miѕtruѕt and lеаd to a diѕсоnnесtеd relationship.

The Grареvinе
Thiѕ iѕ true оf fаmiliеѕ аnd оf workplaces. It аll ѕtаrtѕ bесаuѕе уоu tоld оnе реrѕоn ѕоmеthing and not оnlу did thеу miѕundеrѕtаnd what уоu ѕаid, but they have gоnе аnd tоld еvеrуоnе about it. Suddеnlу, уоu hаvе no соntrоl оvеr this inассurаtе ѕtоrу thаt is bеing ѕрrеаd and everyone iѕ mad аt уоu. This iѕ whу it’ѕ vitаl to accurately соmmuniсаtе with еvеrуоnе in уоur lifе.

With all of thеѕе оbviоuѕ соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ tо poor communication, it’s mind-blowing thаt wе’rе nоt better аt it by now, isn’t it? Fоr the mоѕt раrt, nо one is ѕеtting оut tо kеер infоrmаtiоn away frоm аnуоnе. No оnе ѕеtѕ out tо fail in thеir bid to соmmuniсаtе. Wе аll start out with the bеѕt intеntiоnѕ, but we run intо iѕѕuеѕ.

Onе оf thоѕе issues iѕ that wе think wе’rе better аt communicating thаn we аrе, thus dоn’t try to practice tо imрrоvе. Thеrе is аlѕо the fear of fаlling flаt оn оur fасе аnd avoiding рrасtiсing, the bеliеf thаt еxсеllеnt соmmuniсаtiоn iѕ ѕimрlу соmmоn sense оr аѕѕuming thаt people understand whаt уоu know аnd whаt уоu’rе ѕауing.

How Tо Cоmmuniсаtе Effectively In Relationships

Open соmmuniсаtiоn is a skill, but it iѕ one that can be lеаrnеd. While it mау fееl diffiсult fоr some people tо соmmuniсаtе, with timе аnd encouragement it iѕ possible. People whо struggle tо tаlk аbоut thingѕ аrе оftеn vеrу good аt liѕtеning or аt соmmuniсаting non-verbally. Thеrе аrе рlеntу of wауѕ уоu саn imрrоvе уоur соmmuniсаtiоn ѕkillѕ аnd lеаrn how to еffесtivеlу соmmuniсаtе.

Cоmраniоnѕhiр
Bу ѕhаring уоur intеrеѕtѕ аnd еxреriеnсеѕ, уоur concerns and thоughtѕ with someone, уоu аrе ѕhоwing bоth appreciation and аffесtiоn fоr them. Thiѕ invitеѕ thеm tо do the same with you bу creating a соmfоrtаblе atmosphere tо share in.

Intimасу
This iѕ раrtiсulаrlу important to rоmаntiс rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ and dеѕрitе рорulаr bеliеf; it iѕn’t аlwауѕ rеlаtеd tо sex. It’ѕ аll аbоut creating attachment. It iѕ thе ability tо comfort аnd to be соmfоrtеd, tо рrоvidе ореn аnd hоnеѕt fееdbасk аnd ассерt the ѕаmе in rеturn. It соuld bе as ѕimрlе аѕ ѕауing уоu’rе tired аnd don’t fееl like ѕtауing uр to wаtсh a movie.

Sаmе Pаgе
Evеrу rеlаtiоnѕhiр will bе diffеrеnt in thiѕ dеfinitiоn, but rоmаntiс rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ being on the ѕаmе раgе inсludеѕ finаnсеѕ, соrе vаluеѕ, аnd parenting ѕtуlеѕ.

Inсiѕivе Quеѕtiоnѕ
Whаt conflicts аriѕе in уоur rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ аnd do they ѕtеm from a lасk оf соmmuniсаtiоn?
Whаt рrоvidеѕ уоu соmfоrt аnd happiness?
Whаt bringѕ pain аnd disappointment?
What conversations mаkе уоu unсоmfоrtаblе аnd what stands in the way of you ореning uр tо thеm?
In whаt wауѕ would уоu like уоur соmmuniсаtiоn ѕtуlе to bе diffеrеnt with сеrtаin реорlе?
You саn ask thеѕе ԛuеѕtiоnѕ оf уоurѕеlf аnd оf the person who уоu’rе trуing tо imрrоvе honest соmmuniсаtiоn with. In truth, thоugh, ѕоmе things аrе mоrе difficult to communicate thаn оthеrѕ аnd you ѕhоuld kеер thаt in mind when trуing tо imрrоvе уоur ѕkillѕ. Thеrе аrе ѕubjесtѕ or topics that еvеrуоnе findѕ diffiсult, whilе ѕоmе ѕubjесtѕ may bе mоrе сhаllеnging for others.

It could bе ѕоmеthing thаt iѕ соntrоvеrѕiаl оr something thаt brings up feelings оf hurt or diѕсоmfоrt. Thiѕ iѕ especially truе where еmоtiоnѕ аrе involved, аnd it can bе difficult to соmmuniсаtе еffесtivеlу when уоu аrе hоlding on tо hurt. If thiѕ iѕ how уоu fееl whеn trуing tо соmmuniсаtе thеn tеll thе реrѕоn you аrе speaking tо, they might undеrѕtаnd where you’re соming from mоrе.

Thеrе аrе a few kеу thingѕ уоu should аvоid whеn communicating, whiсh ѕhоuld hеlр with mаnаging соnfliсt.

Dоn’t trу thе silent treatment
Don’t аѕѕumе оr jumр tо соnсluѕiоnѕ
Diѕсuѕѕ what iѕ going on withоut judging
Cоmmuniсаtiоn iѕn’t аbоut winning, it’ѕ аbоut understanding
Dоn’t uѕе thе раѕt tеnѕе, inѕtеаd uѕе thе рrеѕеnt аnd future tеnѕеѕ
Dоn’t аllоw minоr iѕѕuеѕ tо diѕtrасt you, remain focused on the big issue
Dоn’t use statements likе уоu are оr уоu ѕhоuld instead uѕе I fееl, I nееd, I wаnt

Finаl Thoughts

If уоu саѕt уоur mind bасk, it wоn’t tаkе lоng fоr you tо find a роint in уоur lifе whеrе рооr communication саuѕеd you аnxiеtу and griеf. Many rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ аrе destroyed by thiѕ рrоblеm, yet, rаthеr thаn lеаrning from our miѕtаkеѕ, we blаmе thе other person аnd mоvе оn tо build relationships with someone else.

Fоr something that is ѕо imроrtаnt tо human relationships, you would think it wоuld come mоrе naturally. Unfоrtunаtеlу, it’ѕ something thаt thе majority оf us соntinuе tо struggle with. However, уоu dоn’t nееd tо ѕtrugglе with honest соmmuniсаtiоn ѕkillѕ and уоu dоn’t nееd tо рut your rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ at riѕk bесаuѕе оf your inаbilitу tо effectively communicate.

Whilе it may take ѕоmе work, уоu саn lеаrn hоw to соmmuniсаtе еffесtivеlу and аѕ a rеѕult, уоu will ѕее all of уоur relationships imрrоvе.Click To Tweet In turn, your оvеrаll hаррinеѕѕ аnd wеll-bеing with аlѕо imрrоvе.

Thаt’ѕ right, according tо thе Amеriсаn Publiс Health Aѕѕосiаtiоn hеаlthу rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ аrе thе kеу to lеаding a better lifе. In lеаrning how tо communicate, you саn improve еvеrу раrt оf уоur life, from rеlаtiоnѕhiрѕ to your wоrk performance.

Go on try what you have learn about honest communication and take your relationship to the next level.

 

The Role Of Honest Communication In Healthy Relationships
The Role Of Honest Communication In Healthy Relationships

 

 

 

Why Your Relationships Fail And What To Do About It

Why Your Relationships Fail And What To Do About It

Why Your Relationships Fail And What To Do About It

Relationships can be a source of validation for some individuals. The victory of winning over the heard of someone you admire is a definite confidence booster. The logistics of actually being in a new relationship is quite addicting as well. The excitement of getting to know another person on an intimate level is invigorating.

However, as the months pass on, those initial butterflies return to their cocoons as they await the rebirth of another new relationship. Those original spark induced kisses no longer ignite the flame within your heart. Your interest in their company withers away.

Challenges occur, and you eventually decide to break the relationship off. This chain of events is quite typical in the world of dating. But, what if this pattern takes place with every relationship you’ve encountered?

1. You’re Expecting Too Much

We all want the best out of life. It’s even healthy to understand the importance of your self-value. Nevertheless, this reasoning must come with a limit. Do you expect your partner to be perfect in all areas?

Do you criticize them to the point of changing their behavior to what you desire? If so, you’ve probably encountered many devastating breakups because the reality of that mentality is narrow.

Over time, you’ll exhaust your partner with the hurtful feeling of never being good enough. This causes resentment which certainly leads to a detachment. The dilemma with high expectations in your partner is that you are inevitably placing yourself on a pedestal seeking to dictate the behavior of your mate.

This toxic need for control leaves you unfulfilled and constantly searching for “something better.” Perhaps learning how to let go and allow your match to be who they are will assist you with maintaining a relationship.

2. You Never Learned How to Love

The familial structure in which we grew up with is paramount to understanding why your relationships fail. A recent study indicated that “children of divorced parents have more positive attitudes towards divorce and less favorable attitudes towards marriage.”

Once those children reach the point of dating, it’s easier for them to break off an unhappy relationship because they never learned how to love from their parental units.

Even early relationships can set the tone for how you feel about courting in adulthood. Perhaps you experienced a terrible relationship in high school and that affected how you view dating in general. It may be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship due to trust issues, self-esteem issues or deeply rooted scars that were never treated.

Our experiences play a huge role in how we perceive our future interactions with others. If you never experienced a positive image of love, of course trying to self-educate through trial and error will prove relentless.

3. You Haven’t Reached Maturity

To sustain a relationship for an extended period of time, there needs to be a high level of maturity. This includes, not allowing the temptation of infidelity or flirting to creep into the relationship. Many times, relationships fail because one of the individuals is not mature enough to maintain their commitment. In addition to remaining faithful, maturity also impacts your ability to overcome conflict.

Are your relationships failing because mature and open communication is difficult for you? A healthy relationship requires both members involved to openly communicate with their partner when conflicts arise.

Immaturity is a reflection of impulsive breakups, the silent treatment, and tacky social media venting sessions. When you understand that self-growth is necessary for commitment, the idea of maintaining love through hardships won’t seem as difficult.

4. You’re Moving Too Quickly

Sure, once you’ve found someone of interest, it can be especially easy to envision a future with them. However, springing the conversation of marriage and children on the first date is a turn-off. It’s scary and ultimately hastened.

A healthy relationship takes time to truly progress. Perhaps you are trying to finish a race that hasn’t even started. Rushing into a relationship will leave you hurt, confused and discouraged. Try to take it slow, develop that interest and watch how fun love can be!

It’s no secret that dating is challenging. However, it can also be fun. It’s important to learn how to balance the fun with the reality when searching for that special someone.

If you are wondering why your relationships constantly fail, take into account the aforementioned tips. Focus on self-development and the expiration date of your relationships will be nonexistent.

 

Why Your Relationships Fail And What To Do About It
Why Your Relationships Fail And What To Do About It

The More Practical Side of Love: Keeping Relationships Strong

The More Practical Side of Love: Keeping Relationships Strong

The More Practical Side of Love: Keeping Relationships Strong

We fall in love fast. It’s easy, it’s wonderful. We’re riding high and think ‘life can’t get any better than this.’ But keeping a relationship going requires much more than just love.
There are many factors that keep the spark alive which require both parties to be willing to work hard and invest time and effort.
Read on to for some of the best tips to keep your relationship strong.

Be affectionate

While it may be true that the first thing to go after many years of being in a relationship is the physical intimacy, it’s important to maintain that aspect of your relationship, even if you have to schedule it in.
Stress, work, kids all put a strain on relationships. Do something new together, let loose and have fun. Take a night off, just the two of you, to rekindle the spark. Don’t talk about work or the kids; just enjoy each other.
You can also keep the connection through acts of kindness, sending warm, affectionate texts, placing ‘I love you’ notes in your partner’s bag, expressing gratitude.
Even a simple touch or hug can solder a relationship. In addition to making you feel good, physical affection lowers blood pressure, decreases stress levels and releases feel-good hormones.

Respect yourself and your partner

The main aspect of any successful relationship is not sexual attraction, shared goals or love; it’s respect. You may find yourself going through times when you’re not that attracted to each other, or your goals have changed.
Showing respect and belief in one another means you care for your partner and you care about relationship. Everything stems from respect; patience, trust and perseverance. Love matures if we devote the time to making the relationship work, which should be a daily thing and not something done only on special occasions.

Be realistic

Relationships constantly evolve. You can be in a bubble of unbridled passion one week, and the next week, you can’t stand the sound of their voice. But that, too, shall pass. Emotions fizzle, and that cute thing that your partner used to do now drives you up the wall.
Don’t try to change it because, let’s face it, you probably have a habit or two that drives your partner crazy as well. So, what to do? Accept it for what it is and move on. Focus on the positive traits and forgive the things you don’t like so much.
There are probably dozens of thoughtful things your partner does for you throughout the week, so let your partner know how much you appreciate them. If you send out loving, positive vibes, they’ll be reciprocated. And, in the same way, if you give off condescending and abusive vibes, that’s what you’ll get in return.

Set up rules

A game plan is crucial for smooth sailing. Set up rules according to what you like or dislike, as household chores, finances, parenting duties, and grocery shopping. You share a life together, and even though it may sound lame and utterly unromantic, it’s pragmatic.

Forgive

It’s hard, but not every argument requires a speech and a haughty reaction. You can choose how you react during a fight. And it’s that reaction that will determine whether your relationship will end up stronger for it or will cause a rift that will take weeks to heal.
Pick your battles and try to look the other way whenever possible. Everyone makes mistakes; it’s not the end of the world. Being in a relationship means you’re committed to one another regardless of the circumstances.
Every morning you make a choice to love that person, respect them, enjoy their company, rely on them and be there for them to rely on as well. Sadly, many people panic once the initial stage of gazing longingly into each other’s eyes fades.

Give each other space

One reason why we feel so annoyed with our partners is lack of personal space. While we can’t control the factors that boost our stress levels, we can decide to give each other space to go out with friends, do something you enjoy doing on our own without your partner, and vice versa. This breaks the monotony of daily life, brings in new perspectives into your relationship, as well as new things to talk about.

Learn how to fight ‘right’

Your relationship is a living, breathing being. It grows with constant care and support, but it will face battles and beatings, which is good too. Fighting is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. It’s the way you fight that makes all the difference in the world. Here are a few things you should avoid during your fights:

• Name-calling and belittling your partner are 2 examples of what not to do during an argument. It brings contempt and gnaws away at the respect you have for one another.
• Attacking your partner’s character is another thing marriage counselors and psychologists advise against. Instead, blame the act itself, not the person.
• Grudging up past arguments only makes things worse and definitely puts a damper on reaching any real resolution to your actual problem.
• Be open to the idea that in a relationship, there’s no such thing as “winning” an argument.

A final note

That whole idea of ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t exist, nor should it. Real life, with all its unglamorous and messy affairs, is so much more meaningful and satisfying. It’s hard work, I kid you not, and yet through all of it, you’ll still feel that you’re the luckiest person in the world.

 

The More Practical Side of Love: Keeping Relationships Strong
The More Practical Side of Love: Keeping Relationships Strong

5 Surefire Tips In Developing Intimacy in Relationships

5 Surefire Tips In Developing Intimacy in Relationships

5 Surefire Tips In Developing Intimacy in Relationships

If you aim to develop intimacy in your relationship that will stand the test of time, then here are 5 surefire tips in developing intimacy in dating, marriage and relationship. Follow then and see your relationship blossom.

1. Non-Verbal Communication

Don’t forget that your partner uses non-verbal cues to speak to you, too. So, pay attention to their tone of voice, body language, their facial expressions, and gestures. This is all improving your emotional intelligence and in turn, it will improve your ability to be emotionally intimate.

2. Leaning Towards

Relationship experts John and Judy Gottman talk about “leaning towards” your partner. Do you lean towards, or turn away? To build emotional intimacy, you need to practise leaning towards.

One of the ways you can do this is to ask your partner specific questions about themselves, their life, and their interests. This tool is a helpful way to build bridges towards each other’s worlds. In partner conflict, the skills of non-violent communication help you continue to lean towards, even when your instincts might tell you to turn away.

3. Thanking, Acknowledging And Complimenting

Thanking, acknowledging and complimenting one another are further ways to support the growth of emotional intimacy. You are more likely to warm to each other when you are living in a supportive and positive environment.

Criticisms and put-downs are sure ways to create distance, withdrawal, defensiveness and shut-down, just the exact opposite of what you are wanting.

Remember that you can’t change other people. Focus on the things you love about your partner. Practise acceptance of the things you don’t.

4. Forgiveness

We all make mistakes – so if your partner makes one, don’t hold them hostage over it – forgive them and move on. If you can point it out without causing hurt, then you may proceed. Instead of looking for the negatives or their mistakes, instead look for the positives and compliment them on those. This is a sure way to deepen your relationship’s emotional intimacy.

Forgiveness is a big part of any relationship. It breaks down walls and heals old wounds, in your heart as well as your partner’s; it regenerates trust and paves the way for emotional intimacy to flourish. Practise forgiveness every day, not just for your partner but also for yourself. When you forgive others, your own heart is soothed. When you forgive yourself, you can experience inner peace.

5. Gratitude

Gratitude for everything you have together is a powerful healer. Being grateful for every little thing that is going well in your relationship can really build up strong feelings of mutual affection and closeness. Positivity breeds positivity. Practise telling each other at the end of each day, three things about them you feel grateful for. Ask them to do the same for you.

5 Surefire Tips In Developing Intimacy in Relationships
5 Surefire Tips In Developing Intimacy in Relationships

The Art Of Non-Violent Communication In Successful Dating

The Art Of Non-Violent Communication In Successful Dating

The Art Of Non-Violent Communication In Successful Dating

In understanding the art of non-violent communication for successful dating, it will be necessary to reference the work of psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, who was a student of the humanist Carl Rogers, himself a founder of client centred counselling. Rosenberg developed what he called Non-Violent Communication, a simple four step process that is based on identifying and expressing feelings and needs.

The aim is to build a heart-centred connection with the other person, regardless of whether other needs get met or not. Another of the things Rosenberg was passionate about was whether you are “making life wonderful” for others.

According to him, one of our common human needs is the desire to contribute, and so making life wonderful for others is a way to fulfill this need. Think about your partner; how much of the time are you considering how to “make life wonderful for them”, as opposed to thinking about how your partner can make life wonderful for you?!

What do you think would change in your relationship if you devoted yourself to making life wonderful for your partner? Take some time to journal about this.

Don’t inhibit yourself, just let the pen flow with whatever wants to come out. Then write about what would change if your partner devoted him or herself to making life wonderful for you. What have you learnt about yourself and your relationship by writing the answers to these questions down?

Communication is big. Huge, in fact. Rosenberg’s four step strategy of non-violent communication is an invaluable life skill, not just for intimate partner relations. You can use it for conflict resolution in the workplace, or with your children, and of course, with your spouse.

Steps To Non-Violent Communication

Step 1

State the facts of the situation, without evaluating it. For example, let’s take a silly scenario: Suppose your partner left the lid off the toothpaste, again.

If you were to say, “You’ve left a huge mess in the bathroom again: the lid is not on the toothpaste!”, it would be fair to say that this is your subjective evaluation of the situation.

However, if you said, “I notice you have left the lid off the toothpaste for the second time this week, John”, then this is a clear statement of the facts, (assuming John had, in fact, left the lid off the toothpaste two times in that particular week!).

Of course, this is a ridiculous example but hopefully you get the point. So, step 1, then requires you to state the facts of a given situation. Just the facts. No judgements, no embellishments, no personal interpretations. Just the facts.

Step 2

State your feelings. Start with, “I feel”. So, the story so far goes like this:

John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week. When I notice this, I feel disappointed”.

Step 3

Identify and state your underlying need. Before we go any further, here are some lists* of common feelings and universal needs.

As human beings, we all have similar basic needs, so they are known as universal needs since they are common to all of us.

Look and see how many of the following feelings and needs are relevant to you.

Feelings When Your Needs Are Satisfied

AFFECTIONATE
compassionate
friendly
loving
open hearted
sympathetic
tender
warmENGAGED
absorbed
alert
curious
engrossed
enchanted
entranced
fascinated
interested
intrigued
involved
spellbound
stimulatedHOPEFUL
expectant
encouraged
optimistic
CONFIDENT
empowered
open
proud
safe
secureEXCITED
amazed
animated
ardent
aroused
astonished
dazzled
eager
energetic
enthusiastic
giddy
invigorated
lively
passionate
surprised
vibrant
GRATEFUL
appreciative
moved
thankful
touchedINSPIRED
amazed
awed
wonderJOYFUL
amused
delighted
glad
happy
jubilant
pleased
tickled

EXHILARATED
blissful
ecstatic
elated
enthralled
exuberant
radiant
rapturous
thrilled

PEACEFUL
calm
clear headed
comfortable
centered
content
equanimous
fulfilled
mellow
quiet
relaxed
relieved
satisfied
serene
still
tranquil
trustingREFRESHED
enlivened
rejuvenated
renewed
rested
restored
revived

Feelings When Your Needs Are Not Satisfied

AFRAID
apprehensive
dread
foreboding
frightened
mistrustful
panicked
petrified
scared
suspicious
terrified
wary
worriedANNOYED
aggravated
dismayed
disgruntled
displeased
exasperated
frustrated
impatient
irritated
irkedANGRY
enraged
furious
incensed
indignant
irate
livid
outraged
resentful

AVERSION
animosity
appalled
contempt
disgusted
dislike
hate
horrified
hostile
repulsed

CONFUSED
ambivalent
baffled
bewildered
dazed
hesitant
lost
mystified
perplexed
puzzled
tornDISCONNECTED
alienated
aloof
apathetic
bored
cold
detached
distant
distracted
indifferent
numb
removed
uninterested
withdrawnDISQUIET
agitated
alarmed
discombobulated
disconcerted
disturbed
perturbed
rattled
restless
shocked
startled
surprised
troubled
turbulent
turmoil
uncomfortable
uneasy
unnerved
unsettled
upset
EMBARRASSED
ashamed
chagrined
flustered
guilty
mortified
self-consciousFATIGUE
beat
burnt out
depleted
exhausted
lethargic
listless
sleepy
tired
weary
worn outPAIN
agony
anguished
bereaved
devastated
grief
heartbroken
hurt
lonely
miserable
regretful
remorseful

SAD
depressed
dejected
despair
despondent
disappointed
discouraged
disheartened
forlorn
gloomy
heavy hearted
hopeless
melancholy
unhappy
wretched

TENSE
anxious
cranky
distressed
distraught
edgy
fidgety
frazzled
irritable
jittery
nervous
overwhelmed
restless
stressed outVULNERABLE
fragile
guarded
helpless
insecure
leery
reserved
sensitive
shakyYEARNING
envious
jealous
longing
nostalgic
pining
wistful

 

Needs List

When someone in a relationship is angry or hurt it’s important to understand what need is being unmet and has led to this breakdown. Often, these issues go unresolved, which means there is an unidentified problem that could eventually cause resentment. Identify the problem and deal with it head on.

CONNECTION
acceptance
affection
appreciation
belonging
cooperation
communication
closeness
community
companionship
compassion
consideration
consistency
empathy
inclusion
intimacy
love
mutuality
nurturing
respect/self-respect
CONNECTION continued
safety
security
stability
support
to know and be known
to see and be seen
to understand and
be understood
trust
warmthPHYSICAL WELL-BEING
air
food
movement/exercise
rest/sleep
sexual expression
safety
shelter
touch
water
HONESTY
authenticity
integrity
presencePLAY
joy
humorPEACE
beauty
communion
ease
equality
harmony
inspiration
order

AUTONOMY
choice
freedom
independence
space
spontaneity

MEANING
awareness
celebration of life
challenge
clarity
competence
consciousness
contribution
creativity
discovery
efficacy
effectiveness
growth
hope
learning
mourning
participation
purpose
self-expression
stimulation
understanding

Lists Source: (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication; www.cnvc.org 

Use the lists to help you learn about and identify your feelings and needs. In the toothpaste lid scenario, what could your underlying need be? Remember that the lists are not exhaustive. Perhaps you really value orderliness, or hygiene, or a harmonious environment, an aesthetic sense of beauty and calm, or cleanliness? Perhaps you value all of these?

So, by now your statement is looking like this: John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week. When I notice this, I feel disappointed, because I really value (or, I really need), a clean and beautiful environment.”

Step 4

This is where you make a request of your partner. The bottom line of the entire exercise is to bring about a deepened sense of heart-centred connection (aka emotional intimacy) between you and your partner.

Remember that you may not necessarily get your needs met by your partner even though you make a request. In this case, you will learn about self-soothing, self empathy and compassion, which increases your connection to yourself.

Your request to your partner will be something doable, and specific. It will often start with the words, “Would you be willing to….”. Or, you could equally ask, “How do you feel when you hear me say this?”

Our scenario could now look like this: John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week (Step 1, stating facts). When I notice this, I feel disappointed (Step 2, stating feelings), because I really value (or, I really need), a clean and beautiful environment (Step 3 stating needs). Would you be willing to consider this next time you use the toothpaste? (Step 4, making a request). I would love it if you would put the lid on!”

There is a lot to learn in order to use non-violent communication effectively, and the best way to learn is by putting it into practice. The miracle of non-violent communication is, that when you become more intimately connected to your partner, and acknowledge each other’s feelings and needs, solutions to problems often arise spontaneously.

When Your Partner Cannot Meet Your Needs

Realizing that your partner is only human can be a big help in establishing more emotional intimacy. No one can meet all the needs of another. So, when your partner inevitably falls short, instead of feeling hurt and angry, which will only create distance between you both, you can practise self-soothing.

You can do this by placing one hand over your heart and breathing into that area for a few moments. Say to yourself something long the lines of, “Jenny can’t help me right now, and that is ok. I can send myself the love and compassion I need right now”.

Then imagine sending yourself love and compassion. You may picture it as a pink or golden glow flooding to your heart, and gently surrounding it. Remember to breathe deeply into your belly and feel calmer as you do so. Consider other ways to get your needs met.

Empathy

A big ingredient in non-violent communication is empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of your partner.

Self-soothing is like having empathy for yourself. Next time your partner is frustrated or upset, try practising having empathy for them. See if you can understand where they are coming from.

Can you see why they would feel that way? Can you keep your heart open and feeling compassionate towards them because you understand their situation? Then you are experiencing empathy.

Non-Verbal Communication

Don’t forget that your partner uses non-verbal cues to speak to you, too. So, pay attention to their tone of voice, body language, their facial expressions, and gestures. This is all improving your emotional intelligence and in turn, it will improve your ability to be emotionally intimate.

 

The Art Of Non-Violent Communication In Successful Dating
The Art Of Non-Violent Communication In Successful Dating

How To Build Trust In Your Relationship?

How To Build Trust In Your Relationship?

How To Build Trust In Your Relationship?

Trust could be a major issue in relationships. How do you build trust in a relationship? Do you feel loved, supported and comforted? Do you feel safe and trusting, confident in your partner’s commitment to you? Do you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he (or she) will always be there for you, no matter what? Or, in a not so ideal scenario, is your partner emotionally cold, or distant, or downright unavailable? Are they able to show their emotions?

Are they able to express their emotions? Are they able to support you when you need it?

Conversely, how well do you rank in the emotional availability stakes?

Do you tell him (or her) how you feel? Do you express all your feelings, the positive as well as the not so positive?

Or, do either of you withdraw and isolate?

Scaling Exercise

Just go with the first number that comes into your head. On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is not at all and 10 is completely, how strong would you say the emotional intimacy in your relationship is?

Ask your partner to answer the same question.

Are you in the same ball-park with the outcomes? Or, is there a huge discrepancy in your scores? What do you think that could be about? Maybe your partner feels quite satisfied whilst you are feeling neglected, isolated and alone? Or perhaps you are surprised to discover that whilst you are quite content, your partner is the one who feels less satisfied? Whatever your scores, don’t despair: there is always much you can do to improve the emotional intimacy between you.

This article is going to look at the work of three different relationship and communication experts to offer tips and strategies for building more trust and emotional intimacy in your relationship.

Trust

Firstly, consider whether you and your partner have the cornerstones that go into the making of a healthy relationship. Trust, above all else, is the key to an emotionally sound relationship. According to relationship experts and couples’ counsellors John and Judy Gottman, trust is the foundation on which a healthy relationship is built. Without it, you are unlikely to have, or be able to develop, any real emotional intimacy.

How well do you trust your partner? Have them answer the same question about you.

Do you trust him or her with your life? Or would you be hard pressed to feel confident sending them down to the corner store and have them come back with that hot sauce you requested?

Building trust in a relationship is the basic step for you to develop emotional intimacy.

It’s important because you need to feel safe in your relationship and you need to trust that, not only does that person have your back, they will protect you and cherish you. You can’t build emotional intimacy without first trusting each other.

If you don’t trust each other you may be left worrying that your partner will hurt you, it could hold you back from loving them completely. If you are experiencing doubt, worried that your partner isn’t being faithful (or any other issue) address it with them directly and do so immediately. There can be no emotional intimacy in your relationship until you first achieve trust.

Be aware of this when you find yourself in an argument – don’t go for the jugular to win the fight. This could irreparably damage the trust and makes it incredibly difficult to rebuild a healthy relationship.

Sometimes it is better to disengage from the battle until you both have time to calm down – it’s difficult to solve a problem properly when all either of you is interested in is getting the final word or scoring points against the other.

How To Build Trust

  • Be honest yourself. If you are not honest, your partner will sense something is slightly off; there will be just a hint of something not quite right, which will automatically put them on the defensive.
  • By the same token, trust your own instincts. If something feels off to you, it probably is!
  • Be authentic. Be yourself. If you are true to yourself your partner will know where they stand with you; they will come to know who you are, and they will know what to expect. If you are hiding parts of yourself, they will instinctively know, and it will make them feel uncomfortable.
  • Express your feelings. If you are not honest in expressing your feelings, you will bottle them up, and resentments, anger and hostility can subsequently build up. Withdrawal, isolation, frustration, loneliness and hurt can rapidly follow suit. Pretty soon you find yourself living with a complete stranger! Emotional intimacy in relationships has a lot to do with emotional honesty! Be real about how you feel. Be willing to talk about your feelings!
How To Build Trust In Your Relationship?
How To Build Trust In Your Relationship?

What Does Emotional Intimacy Really Mean?

What Does Emotional Intimacy Really Mean?

What Does Emotional-Intimacy Really Mean?

What does emotional-intimacy really mean? The easiest way to explain this is with the word empathy. There is a shared sense of it, a closeness, and whether you are in a romantic or platonic relationship, you feel able to show the other person affection, share your deepest feelings and darkest thoughts, and you don’t worry that they will jump to judgement.

Truly, emotional intimacy is present when someone is able to read you like a book and still want to continue the story. You are fully transparent to them and they’re happy to look at the view. If you have a romantic partner than also happens to be your best friend, well, this is a sign that you have created the perfect combination of intimacy, physically and emotionally.

It is possible to have emotional-intimacy with your friends, your romantic interests, and even members of your family. In fact, some people believe they have achieved this feeling with a pet. It’s an important aspect of physical and mental health – but it runs even deeper.

In terms of emotional intimacy, it can feel as though the experiences you go through are shared and understanding when you find yourself in certain positions how the other person would view them. That sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

But, what if you find it difficult to get close to people? If emotional-intimacy is terrifying to you, there is hope – there are plenty of ways you can improve the emotional-intimacy in your relationships.

1.The Root

What is it that makes you push people away? What is stopping you from opening up and feeling intimacy with others? There could be a wide variety of reasons, whether someone has broken your trust before, you grew up in a home that wasn’t filled with affection, and you are just naturally cynical. No matter what your reason is, figure it out and think about it. Your reasons for it are very real, particularly to you, and it’s affecting your ability to get comfortable with others.

2.Take It Step By Step

When you start to behave differently, you can start to feel differently. So, while you may not feel relaxed or interested in intimacy, you can make little changes to improve that. If you are in a romantic relationship, you can start this by hugging them at moments where you wouldn’t normally hug. Perhaps before you, or they, leave for work or upon your return home.

When you think about it, there’s a good chance that the only time you physically touch others is during the act of sex. You can feel closer to each other if you increase your non-sexual touching. You will discover in no time that you feel closer and the non-sexual touching just becomes a habit. It may not feel natural initially but keep at it and it will become second nature. Take it one step at a time, a sudden change may be too much.

3.Understand The Difference Between Physical & Emotional Intimacy

For a lot of men, it’s easy to disconnect their feelings from the act of sex. Women, though, often feel that sex stems from intimacy. While this isn’t the same for everyone, it’s common for people to think that by being physically intimate they will be able to achieve emotional intimacy. While they may be related, that is simply untrue. It’s difficult to enjoy physical intimacy within a relationship when you and your partner aren’t truly connected. You must build that emotional-intimacy outside of the bedroom.

4.Small Disclosures

You have probably met someone who offered up big pieces of information about themselves and all at once. It’s like word vomit, and it is far too much way too soon. These types of people, though, are often strangers. They tell you all about their life, their hopes and dreams, even their anxieties, but they feel comfortable doing so because their expectation is that they will never see you again. You can rest easy knowing that person probably struggles with emotional-intimacy just as much, if not more, than you do.

You don’t need to drop your life story all at once – but you should offer up small disclosures over time. You should share what you think about things, and share information about who you are, and what led you to become who you are today. Don’t be afraid to share your hopes and dreams.

5.Don’t Try Too Hard

That being said… don’t get caught trying too hard either. If you overdo it you might just drive everyone away, be relaxed about sharing and making connections. Don’t go asking people a million questions, especially if you wouldn’t react well to those. Provide people with the space they need and allow intimacy a chance to build.

6.No Judgement

If you discovered that your root issue relates to previous hurt, this point is incredibly important. You are vulnerable and that can make you judge everyone by the same behavior that your past pain was caused by. It’s a bit like fight of flight – your unconscious mind is trying to protect you. Sometimes, though, it backfires and derails you from getting to know people. It leaves you with a belief that everyone will hurt you or let you down. Start training your unconscious mind to break the cycle by writing down all the ways a certain person is from the people who caused you hurt in the past.

7.The Exception

It’s easy to feel hopeless when you label yourself as emotionally stunted or unable to achieve emotional-intimacy. These problems are rarely absolute, so think about when you have been close to someone else, whether it’s your dog, a friend from childhood or a member of your family. How did it feel to be so close to someone, what did it bring you? Imagine that feeling with others.

 

What Does Emotional Intimacy Really Mean?
What Does Emotional Intimacy Really Mean?

10-Must-Have-Tips For A Successful Dating Relationship

10-must-have-tips for a successful Dating relationship

10-Must-Have-Tips For A Successful Dating Relationship

Dating is one of those things that doesn’t follow the one-size-fits-all mantra. However, everyone wants to find that special someone. But the way we go about it is different; what you would do in your twenties isn’t the same as what you’d do in your thirties or forties. We’ve gathered the top 10 tips dating experts swear by to help you cruise the dating speedway successfully when you’re ready to look for that meaningful, serious relationship.

1. Be yourself.Knowing who you are as an individual tells a lot about your confidence and self-esteem. Dating can be hard, and feelings can get hurt. But if you know where you stand, what you want out of the relationship, and how you want to be treated, then you won’t allow anyone to put you in an awkward or discouraging place. It’s important that you be honest with yourself and your date.

2. Make it simple.Pick someplace you’re comfortable with. If your date is the one choosing the venue, be open to trying new places, instead of spending the evening at the edge of your seat. If you’re going out to eat, pick something memorable so that you enjoy each other’s company more than focusing on the food.

3. Make the effort.
There’s a fine line between being yourself on a date and not making a good impression. Your lucky tattered jeans and favorite sneakers may look great on you, but how much effort you put into your appearance speaks volume about who you are as a person, regardless of whether or not you’ll ever see that person again. On the opposite side of the spectrum, spending hours picking an outfit and fixing your hair and make-up will probably not give off a good vibe as well.

4. Prepare a list of non-negotiables.
By now, you should know how you feel about smokers, male jewelry and pets. Personality traits and value systems are things that either you agree on or not. Clarifying these from the start will tell you whether you should give your date a second chance or leave and not waste your time. But don’t give your date the third degree. Casually slip in questions throughout the conversation or pick up on subtle hints.

5. Open yourself up emotionally.
When you’re on your date, invest in your time together. Turning your phone off, for example, says you’re ready to focus on your date and you’re doing your part and being an active participant. It can be hard to start getting to know someone, especially if you’ve been ever part of a break-up. But opening yourself up to new possibilities is what life is all about. Take it one step at a time, don’t think too much and be honest with yourself and with your date.

10-must-have-tips for a successful Dating relationship
10-must-have-tips for a successful Dating relationship

 

6. Be honest from the get-go.
Being real means not going out of your way to impress the other person. You aren’t trying to be anyone else but yourself, with all your imperfections, unique qualities, your likes and dislikes. Being genuine gets results because it’s a sexy, attractive character trait.

7. Trust your instincts.
If you feel that something isn’t quite right, it probably isn’t. That voice inside your head is your subconscious picking on subtle signals that your conscious brain hasn’t yet figured out. If things aren’t going the way you hoped, then come up with an excuse and leave. You don’t owe anyone anything, and neither do they.

8. Be the date you want to be.
This means not hogging the conversation – listen and be attentive. Dress nice for your time together; a hoodie may reflect how comfortable you are with yourself, but it also says you didn’t put in enough effort for the date. This is important, especially with people you’re just meeting for the first time because it mirrors how important the date is to you. For someone who’s still getting to know you, it’s the subtle, little details that give them insight into who you really are.

9. Relax and have fun.
If you go on a date thinking it’s an audition for marriage, then you won’t be able to enjoy your time. No one ever fell in love after analyzing their first date. Keep the conversation fun and enjoyable. There’ll be plenty of time to talk about all the serious stuff later if things go according to plan. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.

10. Don’t mention your ex.
Playing the blame game, or using the victim card, to gain sympathy will only blow up in your face and send your date running for the hills. If your date asks, then just answer the question as briefly as you can and move on to another topic. Make your date feel like you’ve let the past go and ready to focus on the present and your time together.

Is Porn Ruining Your Relationships?

Is Porn Ruining Your Relationship?
Is Porn Ruining Your Relationship?
Is Porn Ruining Your Relationship?

Is Porn Ruining Your Relationships?

The purpose of pornographic material is to stimulate the brain and emotions. When someone watches or reads pornographic materials, certain things begin to happen within the body. Neurons become activated by what’s read or watched.

How Pornography Affects the Brain

A pornography addiction can strike anyone. Access to the material is greater than ever and there’s an ease of being able to get to it and get a wide variety of it at any time day or night. Even children can become addicted to pornography and there’s a reason that this addiction happens.

Whenever pornography is viewed or read, it stimulates neurons and causes a chemical reaction to take place within the brain. This is the same chemical reaction that happens whenever someone uses drugs. Both kinds of use cause the person using them to feel good. A Cambridge University study revealed there were identical changes in the brains of people addicted to porn and people addicted to drugs.

One of the reasons that taking drugs makes people feel good or gives them a high is because these drugs make the brain release dopamine. Watching or reading pornography causes this same release that a person would get if he or she used cocaine or methamphetamine.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that’s basically a chemical. Its purpose in the brain is to pass on signals from one part of the brain to the next. In normal use, these transmitters just process signals. Some of these signals have to do with feeling excited or happy. Feeling surprised or stunned also causes the release of dopamine.

Dopamine is often called the reward chemical. It works by giving the person a release based on an action that they’re doing. It’s one of the reasons that your brain can become addicted to any substance that causes you to feel pleasure.

When a person engages in any activity that causes the release of dopamine to increase, the way the neurons transmit messages is changed from the original format. The thought processes end up affected and can lead to behavioral changes. This pathway within your brain has a regular purpose and when dopamine is released the way it should be, it has no lasting effect on your brain.

Why Pornography Can Become an Addiction

When substances such as drugs or pornography are introduced to the brain, they take over the dopamine release. This takeover pulls the dopamine away from its normal production process and makes it increase dramatically. Viewing porn forces the brain to produce dopamine at a higher than normal level. This release causes a flood of good feelings to flood your body. The same way drugs do.

The reason this is dangerous is because the dopamine is pulled away from the regular job it’s supposed to do. So what happens is it creates a new area or a neurotransmitter walkway within the brain just for this pornography addiction. Because the viewing of the porn makes you feel good, you feel rewarded.

The dopamine that created this new area finds that same walkway in the brain. Sort of like wearing a footpath in the grass. Your brain will head right that way again. This makes that area easy for the person to tap into again and again. Once that area within the brain is changed, it lays the foundation upon which future behaviors are built.

What usually happens when these areas in the brain are thwarted from their original purpose is someone goes from viewing porn every now and then to viewing it regularly. From that point, it becomes easy for it to turn into something that the person just cannot live without. Their body will give them the same reaction that they’d get from drugs and that includes the drive to do whatever it takes to get that dopamine release.

Just like with taking drugs, you have to have it or you feel terrible, You can feel jittery and on edge, the same way you’d feel if you were addicted to drugs and got cut off from the supply. By the time a person is addicted, it can be difficult to stop using it. Pornography rewires the area of your brain and when that area is changed, an addiction is born. The thing about an addiction is that anyone can become addicted – even if they don’t really want to be addicted.

The person won’t be able to help themselves because now, the chemical reaction in the brain is firmly established. Once this happens, you have to keep using to be able to function. By the time a person becomes addicted to pornography, the brain is producing massive amounts of dopamine. More than it normally would. When drugs are taken, the body will build up an immunity or tolerance to the drug by the time it reaches a certain dosage.

The exact same thing happens with the amount of dopamine released. Those first few times make you feel so good, you keep on. So the brain produces more which leads a person to wanting to view more pornography to keep on feeling good and at this point, they don’t always realize they’re dealing with an addiction. The more pornography you view, the more you must have because after awhile, you have to make the brain produce greater quantities of dopamine.

Otherwise, you don’t feel that same high or feel good sensation that you used to get. Your brain knows when enough dopamine is enough. So it works to try and find a better, more normal level of the chemical. It does this by cutting off the supply of dopamine to the brain’s receptors. This is why that feel good sensation doesn’t feel as powerful as it did in the beginning.

When this happens, most people who are addicted to pornography begin to spend more time viewing it, add new pornographic material or they go after pornography that’s even more graphic. That’s because the addiction is craving that dopamine your brain is trying to limit.

Pornography Blurs the Line Between Reality and Fantasy

It’s a scientific fact that watching pornography can affect your brain. In a study shown in the JAMA Psychiatry, the subjects studied revealed the that volume of brain matter was changed and motivation was also affected. The conclusion was that more studies on how pornography affects people needed to be done.

Once a person gets used to viewing pornography images, there are other changes that also take place in the brain besides dopamine levels and volume. One of these changes is the blurring of the line between reality and fantasy. It creates an alternate universe where anything can go. The sex can be over the top and the actors up for anything regardless of if the act is degrading, painful or not even feasible.

This blurred line causes the viewer to take on the mindset that what he or she views in fantasy can actually become a part of their reality. The learn to believe that if they can see it acted out, then they can have it in their own lives. But what viewers often fail to realize is that what they see on the screen is not real and the actors are being paid to perform.

They see images without consequences and fall prey to the belief that the same can be had in their own lives. The mind can then begin to blur the lines between what’s real and what isn’t which can lead people to act in ways that they normally would not act. Viewing pornography can raise a person’s sex drive past the normal limit. When a person views porn and is stimulated sexually, the drive to have more sex increases but engaging in porn can affect the body as well as the mind.

A recent online survey compiled of people who regularly used pornography to stimulate themselves revealed that more than 50% of pornographic viewers had to watch more deviant pornographic images to feel the same high. Young people who took the survey showed that some percentages struggled with reaching a climax too soon.

Others found it difficult to have a climax at all. Erectile dysfunction is another way that viewing pornographic images impacted the young people in the survey. But besides changes in the brain and how viewing porn can affect the ability to perform sexually once an addiction is created, this habit can have a negative impact on your relationships with other people.

The biggest area of impact seen with pornography viewing is seen in marriages and in relationships between two committed partners.

Pornography’s Impact on Relationships

There seems to be a misconception that only men regularly engage in pornography. But women also take part in the habit and while the statistics show that men do so far more than women, women tend to keep quieter on the matter. But whether the person watching it is a man or woman, all forms of pornography are one dimensional and based on fantasy.

Unlike real life, what pornography offers people is a hassle-free opportunity to engage in sex with as many people as they want to without seeming to suffer any consequences. So it feels like a harmless, win-win situation to people who use it.

But pornography’s biggest impact is how it affects the real life relationships. When a person takes part in regular viewing of pornographic material, it eradicates the desire to engage in intimacy with a spouse or significant other. Because with pornography, there’s no giving. It’s all receiving.

It also creates an unrealistic view of people as human beings rather than as objects used for merely performing sex acts. This type of objectification occurs with people you may know and even with people you don’t know.

A desensitization occurs with exposure to pornography. Those who view it begin to be far less thoughtful of other people. This is traced back to viewing people as objects. As a result of this it affects relationships because there’s a lack of consideration, of interest or care in what the person thinks or needs.

One of the biggest things that change with relationships when pornography is involved is a lack of empathy toward the gender of the person you’re used to viewing in pornographic material.

For example, men who see a lot of women in the types of acts shown in pornography don’t feel as concerned that something might negatively impact the women in his life. Women become a means to sexual gratification. And because some porn shows violence toward women, men can become apathetic towards violence against women.

For women, they can gain an unrealistic view of the men in their lives. They can also objective men and compare them to the images they have from pornographic materials. No man can stand up to the fantasy men portrayed by the actors.

As a result, a woman can feel unsatisfied with her significant other and unhappy when her expectations aren’t met. Both sexes actually experience unrealistic expectations from their significant other after they’ve engaged in porn usage for a while. It causes them to want the person they care about to be like what they’ve found on the screen.

They want someone that’s available when they want to them to be and can perform in the ways that they’ve seen. When this doesn’t happen, it can lead to frustration, unhappiness and in some cases depression.

Both men and women who have a partner that uses pornography to stimulate themselves can begin to feel inadequate when new demands are placed on them sexually. They can also experience emotional wounded by the lack of care and concern from the one viewing the porn.

Women often feel like they’re of less value during intimacy when their partner has a pornographic habit because they’re concerned about not “measuring up.” Men can experience the same feelings when the person they’re involved with uses porn.

Watching pornography removes the intimacy level from the act of sex. It replaces it with a focus on simply being gratified rather than having an emotional involvement. If done often enough, the habit can overtake the desire for intimacy to the point where the person actually prefers watching porn to engaging with a real person.

Pornography uses certain themes to promote the appetite for sex. This causes the level of sex to decrease between partners because the appetite can only be fed by the porn and it decreases the ability to be turned on by a partner.

More often than not, watching porn is done without the knowledge of the partner. It’s hidden and done in secret. This can cause feelings of guilt and shame when the partner wants to engage in intimacy but the sex drive has already been fulfilled by viewing the porn.

It can also lead to lying in a relationship. Many people feel the need to hide their pornography viewing and so they lie to their partner about their actions. If they’re found out, this leads to a lack of trust and can be followed by a break in the relationship.