10 Kеу Hаbitѕ Of Hарру аnd Strоng Cоuрlеѕ In Relationship
Habits will always hаvе a huge imрасt оn your еvеrу relationship. Thiѕ iѕ whу it’ѕ еxtrеmеlу imроrtаnt tо create роѕitivе habits with уоur partner. Hеrе аrе 10 kеу hаbitѕ thаt уоu саn follow if уоu want tо hаvе a hарру аnd ѕtrоng relationship.
Mаkе ѕurе tо ѕnugglе a bit before уоu ѕtаrt оff your dау and before уоu gо tо bеd. Simрlу taking a few minutes tо hоld each оthеr in bеd in thе mornings and еvеningѕ will improve bоth уоurѕ and уоur раrtnеr’ѕ mооd.
Cultivаtе Common Intеrеѕtѕ
A lоt of соuрlеѕ have only a fеw intеrеѕtѕ in соmmоn. Evеn if you dоn’t hаvе any interests in соmmоn, you should tаkе the timе tо dеvеlор thеm. However, just like it’s important tо ѕhаrе a few intеrеѕtѕ with уоur partner, it’ѕ аlѕо crucial that уоu hаvе intеrеѕtѕ оf уоur оwn. Thiѕ will mаkе уоu bе more intеrеѕting tо уоur раrtnеr аnd уоu will аvоid bесоming too dependent.
Shоwing respect to уоur partner is оnе of the best hаbitѕ that уоu саn develop. Rеѕресting your partner iѕ extremely imроrtаnt if you want tо сrеаtе a hеаlthу аnd strong соnnесtiоn. Hаving rеѕресt fоr уоur раrtnеr means that уоu value them fоr whо you trulу are.
Share A Rituаl
Sharing a rituаl with your partner will hеlр kеер уоur rеlаtiоnѕhiр healthy. Having a ritual mеаnѕ thаt уоu will get to spend timе with уоur partner dоing ѕоmеthing that you both enjoy еvеrу dау. This саn bе аѕ ѕimрlе аѕ tаlking a wаlk in the еvеning, going to thе gуm tоgеthеr, оr hаving a сuр оf соffее in thе morning.
Hаndlе Individual Prоblеmѕ Aѕ A Tеаm
Hарру соuрlеѕ оftеn work together аѕ a tеаm in order to ѕоlvе individuаl рrоblеmѕ more efficiently. Remember that you ѕhоuld nеvеr bе аfrаid tо аѕk your partner fоr help. If уоu’rе in a happy and lоving rеlаtiоnѕhiр, then уоur раrtnеr will do еvеrуthing in thеir роwеr to hеlр уоu.
Be Generous With Compliments
Evеrуоnе loves gеtting соmрlimеntѕ, еѕресiаllу if thеу’rе соming frоm a реrѕоn whо thеу love аnd rеѕресt. It doesn’t matter hоw lоng уоu twо аrе tоgеthеr, it’ѕ аlwауѕ a gооd idea tо give your partner compliments.
Every соuрlе will hаvе diѕаgrееmеntѕ еvеrу nоw аnd then. Remember thаt diѕаgrееing оvеr something iѕ соmрlеtеlу nоrmаl and iѕ part оf every hеаlthу relationship. Hоwеvеr, it’ѕ hоw уоu hаndlе thе diѕаgrееmеntѕ that will set уоu apart from the unhарру соuрlеѕ. Yоu ѕhоuld viеw diѕаgrееmеntѕ аѕ opportunities to рrасtiсе hоw уоu resolve соnfliсtѕ.
Focus On The Thingѕ Yоu Likе Abоut Your Pаrtnеr
Many реорlе tend to focus оn thingѕ thаt thеу don’t likе аbоut thеir раrtnеr, which еvеntuаllу саuѕеѕ thеm tо wаnt to еnd thе relationship. Inѕtеаd, couples should hаvе a роѕitivе реrѕресtivе on thе rеlаtiоnѕhiр. However, knоw thаt this doesn’t mean уоu should ignоrе уоur раrtnеr’ѕ bаd hаbitѕ. If уоu hаvе a problem with a раrt оf your раrtnеr’ѕ bеhаviоr, уоu ѕhоuld bring it to their attention in a wаrm wау аnd attempt tо resolve уоur diffеrеnсеѕ in a lоving wау.
You ѕhоuld nеvеr expect your partner to be able tо rеаd your mind. Cоmmuniсаtiоn is key in every ѕtrоng rеlаtiоnѕhiр between couples. You ѕhоuld always diѕсuѕѕ your nееdѕ ореnlу inѕtеаd оf hoping fоr уоur раrtnеr will аlwауѕ knоw what уоu need.
Set Aside Time Tо Rесоnnесt
Most couples can’t kеер thеir hаndѕ оff еасh other at thе bеgging оf a rеlаtiоnѕhiр. Hоwеvеr, they ѕреnd mоrе timе араrt thаn together lаtеr оn. If уоu wаnt tо hаvе a ѕtrоng rеlаtiоnѕhiр with ѕоmеоnе thеn you nееd to find a wау tо set аѕidе timе tо rесоnnесt rеgulаrlу.
Why Your Relationships Fail And What To Do About It
Relationships can be a source of validation for some individuals. The victory of winning over the heard of someone you admire is a definite confidence booster. The logistics of actually being in a new relationship is quite addicting as well. The excitement of getting to know another person on an intimate level is invigorating.
However, as the months pass on, those initial butterflies return to their cocoons as they await the rebirth of another new relationship. Those original spark induced kisses no longer ignite the flame within your heart. Your interest in their company withers away.
Challenges occur, and you eventually decide to break the relationship off. This chain of events is quite typical in the world of dating. But, what if this pattern takes place with every relationship you’ve encountered?
1. You’re Expecting Too Much
We all want the best out of life. It’s even healthy to understand the importance of your self-value. Nevertheless, this reasoning must come with a limit. Do you expect your partner to be perfect in all areas?
Do you criticize them to the point of changing their behavior to what you desire? If so, you’ve probably encountered many devastating breakups because the reality of that mentality is narrow.
Over time, you’ll exhaust your partner with the hurtful feeling of never being good enough. This causes resentment which certainly leads to a detachment. The dilemma with high expectations in your partner is that you are inevitably placing yourself on a pedestal seeking to dictate the behavior of your mate.
This toxic need for control leaves you unfulfilled and constantly searching for “something better.” Perhaps learning how to let go and allow your match to be who they are will assist you with maintaining a relationship.
2. You Never Learned How to Love
The familial structure in which we grew up with is paramount to understanding why your relationships fail. A recent study indicated that “children of divorced parents have more positive attitudes towards divorce and less favorable attitudes towards marriage.”
Once those children reach the point of dating, it’s easier for them to break off an unhappy relationship because they never learned how to love from their parental units.
Even early relationships can set the tone for how you feel about courting in adulthood. Perhaps you experienced a terrible relationship in high school and that affected how you view dating in general. It may be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship due to trust issues, self-esteem issues or deeply rooted scars that were never treated.
Our experiences play a huge role in how we perceive our future interactions with others. If you never experienced a positive image of love, of course trying to self-educate through trial and error will prove relentless.
3. You Haven’t Reached Maturity
To sustain a relationship for an extended period of time, there needs to be a high level of maturity. This includes, not allowing the temptation of infidelity or flirting to creep into the relationship. Many times, relationships fail because one of the individuals is not mature enough to maintain their commitment. In addition to remaining faithful, maturity also impacts your ability to overcome conflict.
Are your relationships failing because mature and open communication is difficult for you? A healthy relationship requires both members involved to openly communicate with their partner when conflicts arise.
Immaturity is a reflection of impulsive breakups, the silent treatment, and tacky social media venting sessions. When you understand that self-growth is necessary for commitment, the idea of maintaining love through hardships won’t seem as difficult.
4. You’re Moving Too Quickly
Sure, once you’ve found someone of interest, it can be especially easy to envision a future with them. However, springing the conversation of marriage and children on the first date is a turn-off. It’s scary and ultimately hastened.
A healthy relationship takes time to truly progress. Perhaps you are trying to finish a race that hasn’t even started. Rushing into a relationship will leave you hurt, confused and discouraged. Try to take it slow, develop that interest and watch how fun love can be!
It’s no secret that dating is challenging. However, it can also be fun. It’s important to learn how to balance the fun with the reality when searching for that special someone.
If you are wondering why your relationships constantly fail, take into account the aforementioned tips. Focus on self-development and the expiration date of your relationships will be nonexistent.
The More Practical Side of Love: Keeping Relationships Strong
We fall in love fast. It’s easy, it’s wonderful. We’re riding high and think ‘life can’t get any better than this.’ But keeping a relationship going requires much more than just love.
There are many factors that keep the spark alive which require both parties to be willing to work hard and invest time and effort.
Read on to for some of the best tips to keep your relationship strong.
While it may be true that the first thing to go after many years of being in a relationship is the physical intimacy, it’s important to maintain that aspect of your relationship, even if you have to schedule it in.
Stress, work, kids all put a strain on relationships. Do something new together, let loose and have fun. Take a night off, just the two of you, to rekindle the spark. Don’t talk about work or the kids; just enjoy each other.
You can also keep the connection through acts of kindness, sending warm, affectionate texts, placing ‘I love you’ notes in your partner’s bag, expressing gratitude.
Even a simple touch or hug can solder a relationship. In addition to making you feel good, physical affection lowers blood pressure, decreases stress levels and releases feel-good hormones.
Respect yourself and your partner
The main aspect of any successful relationship is not sexual attraction, shared goals or love; it’s respect. You may find yourself going through times when you’re not that attracted to each other, or your goals have changed.
Showing respect and belief in one another means you care for your partner and you care about relationship. Everything stems from respect; patience, trust and perseverance. Love matures if we devote the time to making the relationship work, which should be a daily thing and not something done only on special occasions.
Relationships constantly evolve. You can be in a bubble of unbridled passion one week, and the next week, you can’t stand the sound of their voice. But that, too, shall pass. Emotions fizzle, and that cute thing that your partner used to do now drives you up the wall.
Don’t try to change it because, let’s face it, you probably have a habit or two that drives your partner crazy as well. So, what to do? Accept it for what it is and move on. Focus on the positive traits and forgive the things you don’t like so much.
There are probably dozens of thoughtful things your partner does for you throughout the week, so let your partner know how much you appreciate them. If you send out loving, positive vibes, they’ll be reciprocated. And, in the same way, if you give off condescending and abusive vibes, that’s what you’ll get in return.
Set up rules
A game plan is crucial for smooth sailing. Set up rules according to what you like or dislike, as household chores, finances, parenting duties, and grocery shopping. You share a life together, and even though it may sound lame and utterly unromantic, it’s pragmatic.
It’s hard, but not every argument requires a speech and a haughty reaction. You can choose how you react during a fight. And it’s that reaction that will determine whether your relationship will end up stronger for it or will cause a rift that will take weeks to heal.
Pick your battles and try to look the other way whenever possible. Everyone makes mistakes; it’s not the end of the world. Being in a relationship means you’re committed to one another regardless of the circumstances.
Every morning you make a choice to love that person, respect them, enjoy their company, rely on them and be there for them to rely on as well. Sadly, many people panic once the initial stage of gazing longingly into each other’s eyes fades.
One reason why we feel so annoyed with our partners is lack of personal space. While we can’t control the factors that boost our stress levels, we can decide to give each other space to go out with friends, do something you enjoy doing on our own without your partner, and vice versa. This breaks the monotony of daily life, brings in new perspectives into your relationship, as well as new things to talk about.
Learn how to fight ‘right’
Your relationship is a living, breathing being. It grows with constant care and support, but it will face battles and beatings, which is good too. Fighting is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. It’s the way you fight that makes all the difference in the world. Here are a few things you should avoid during your fights:
• Name-calling and belittling your partner are 2 examples of what not to do during an argument. It brings contempt and gnaws away at the respect you have for one another.
• Attacking your partner’s character is another thing marriage counselors and psychologists advise against. Instead, blame the act itself, not the person.
• Grudging up past arguments only makes things worse and definitely puts a damper on reaching any real resolution to your actual problem.
• Be open to the idea that in a relationship, there’s no such thing as “winning” an argument.
A final note
That whole idea of ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t exist, nor should it. Real life, with all its unglamorous and messy affairs, is so much more meaningful and satisfying. It’s hard work, I kid you not, and yet through all of it, you’ll still feel that you’re the luckiest person in the world.
Good Relationships Don’t Just Happen They Take Work
Nobody said it was easy, right? Then again, nobody ever told you just how much work would be required either. Even at the best of times relationships aren’t easy, they are so much more complicated, though, when modern life is involved. One glance at the divorce rates in America is enough to put anyone off marriage, but the problem isn’t marriage – it’s us.
A good relationship requires more than love, for it to thrive it requires compromise, the understanding that the give and take should be equal. While you need to strive as an individual, as does your partner, a good relationship will require work. Whether you are in a long-term relationship and live apart, you are cohabitating, or you’re already married – then heed these tips.
• Don’t think of a good relationship as a goal or an achievement – it won’t be happy just because you want it to be or because you love someone. It’s not even because you have met your “soul mate.” In all honesty, there are probably hundreds of people in the world with which you could build a happy and long-lasting relationship. However, the key is to take responsibility for your relationship and actively look for ways that help to bridge the gap between your differences. You can do this through open and honest communication. It’s important to respect your partner and yourself.
• One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is building unreal expectations of the other person. We expect perfection from our partner and believe they should be able to fulfil every one of our needs, even when you haven’t communicated them. The best thing you can do when trying to build a healthy, happy relationship is to be clear about your expectations and ensure they are realistic.
• When you are in a live-in relationship, fairness is important – it matters. You might not be able to achieve complete equality in your housework and with children, but you will be happier if you outline what each of you does with respect to domestic chores and beyond. Failure to do this could fuel resentment. Set your boundaries, lay your foundation, and stick to it – you will be able to weather any storm.
• Your upbringing has influenced you in every possible way, in fact, it has influenced you in ways you don’t even realize – it’s important that you know how it has done so. It affects your expectations in relationships and may even influence many of the arguments you experience. We are more like our parents than we ever care to admit but understanding that may be the key to realizing what drives some of your actions and expectations.
• When you’re in a relationship with someone who shares your values and interests you are more likely to become complacent in your efforts to maintain a good relationship. You think you’re perfect for each other, so it’s difficult to imagine things getting stale or becoming difficult. This is why it’s so important to put the work into your relationship from the start.
If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, then you should seek advice from a professional. Couples often view therapy as a sign of failure or defeat – in reality, it’s something that should be viewed as a healthy proactive step in protecting and improving your relationship. It provides you with an atmosphere to openly and honestly communicate with each other without judgement. Just because you are having problems doesn’t mean that your relationship is dead in the water – you may just need to refocus your attention on each other and put the hard work in.
Every day as we routinely check our social media platforms, we are fed images of “goal couples.” So What are the attributes that make for a healthy-relationship? Essentially, they display qualities that are admirable; even worthy of our envy. Despite the glamour, they give off, the truth of celebrity relationships is often met with dense realities.
When it comes to real-world relationships, the struggle to maintain healthy-relationships is quite difficult with the endless sources of temptation right at our fingertips. However, even amongst the chaos of love, there are set in stone qualities that make for a good relationship. Let us consider the four, must-have qualities that will help any relationship stand the test of time.
Honesty between two people in love is imperative for the relationship to function correctly. Freely expressing all of your inner most feelings deepens the bond and keeps the relationship free from secrets, deceit, resentments and confusion all of which will ultimately ruin any relationship in the long run. Honest communication is vital even if it’s not what the other wants to hear. Sure, it’s tough taking in constructive criticism, but ultimately, it promotes growth and results in a healthy-relationship.
The Ability to Have Fun Together
Couples who enjoy spending recreational time together are more likely to maintain the longevity of their relationship. Engaging in fun activities with your partner helps to strengthen the bond of union. You create new and exciting memories that define the time spent together. This concept not only boosts morale, but it solidifies that your partner accepts you for you. We all need a break from the stressors of daily life. The ability to spend that fun time with your mate is priceless and results in a healthy-relationship.
Commitment is key for any healthy relationship to function. Really it goes far beyond not cheating. Commitment means sticking together throughout the darkest of times. One helpless romantic once quoted, “ Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling. It is a decision, a judgment, and a promise.”
Like any goal worth meeting, there will be challenges and obstacles along the way. A healthy couple acknowledges that conflicts will arise, however, they commit to making the relationship endure. They work through their issues in order to reach a point of equilibrium.
It has been said that a mother’s love is unmatched. What constitutes this never-ending affection? It’s her ability to love her child despite their imperfections. Although the love shared between lovers is passionate, it must be built on that unconditional love.
The beauty of a healthy relationship is that those involved are different and respecting and accepting the real person that is your partner is key. Each person comes from a unique background and family structure. They each possess different interests, personality traits, and experiences.
Those in a healthy-relationship embrace their partner’s differences and they make the act of understanding their priority. Sure, one person may like vacationing in the mountains and the other at the beach. However, instead of criticizing their partner’s preference, they compromise. One year, they visit the beach and the next the mountains.
This same mentality is true when it comes to personality flaws. Nobody is perfect and if we live long enough, we’ll find a way to hurt our mate by our words or actions. Constant forgiveness, within reason, is vital for a relationship to remain healthy.
Maintaining a healthy relationship despite the challenges is an art. It takes commitment, understanding, and passion. Although our society is far from its chivalrous past, the qualities mentioned have remained. Cultivating these basic qualities will help for a meaningful and healthy relationship that lasts.
5 Surefire Tips In Developing Intimacy in Relationships
If you aim to develop intimacy in your relationship that will stand the test of time, then here are 5 surefire tips in developing intimacy in dating, marriage and relationship. Follow then and see your relationship blossom.
1. Non-Verbal Communication
Don’t forget that your partner uses non-verbal cues to speak to you, too. So, pay attention to their tone of voice, body language, their facial expressions, and gestures. This is all improving your emotional intelligence and in turn, it will improve your ability to be emotionally intimate.
2. Leaning Towards
Relationship experts John and Judy Gottman talk about “leaning towards” your partner. Do you lean towards, or turn away? To build emotional intimacy, you need to practise leaning towards.
One of the ways you can do this is to ask your partner specific questions about themselves, their life, and their interests. This tool is a helpful way to build bridges towards each other’s worlds. In partner conflict, the skills of non-violent communication help you continue to lean towards, even when your instincts might tell you to turn away.
3. Thanking, Acknowledging And Complimenting
Thanking, acknowledging and complimenting one another are further ways to support the growth of emotional intimacy. You are more likely to warm to each other when you are living in a supportive and positive environment.
Criticisms and put-downs are sure ways to create distance, withdrawal, defensiveness and shut-down, just the exact opposite of what you are wanting.
Remember that you can’t change other people. Focus on the things you love about your partner. Practise acceptance of the things you don’t.
We all make mistakes – so if your partner makes one, don’t hold them hostage over it – forgive them and move on. If you can point it out without causing hurt, then you may proceed. Instead of looking for the negatives or their mistakes, instead look for the positives and compliment them on those. This is a sure way to deepen your relationship’s emotional intimacy.
Forgiveness is a big part of any relationship. It breaks down walls and heals old wounds, in your heart as well as your partner’s; it regenerates trust and paves the way for emotional intimacy to flourish. Practise forgiveness every day, not just for your partner but also for yourself. When you forgive others, your own heart is soothed. When you forgive yourself, you can experience inner peace.
Gratitude for everything you have together is a powerful healer. Being grateful for every little thing that is going well in your relationship can really build up strong feelings of mutual affection and closeness. Positivity breeds positivity. Practise telling each other at the end of each day, three things about them you feel grateful for. Ask them to do the same for you.
The Art Of Non-Violent Communication In Successful Dating
In understanding the art of non-violent communication for successful dating, it will be necessary to reference the work of psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, who was a student of the humanist Carl Rogers, himself a founder of client centred counselling. Rosenberg developed what he called Non-Violent Communication, a simple four step process that is based on identifying and expressing feelings and needs.
The aim is to build a heart-centred connection with the other person, regardless of whether other needs get met or not. Another of the things Rosenberg was passionate about was whether you are “making life wonderful” for others.
According to him, one of our common human needs is the desire to contribute, and so making life wonderful for others is a way to fulfill this need. Think about your partner; how much of the time are you considering how to “make life wonderful for them”, as opposed to thinking about how your partner can make life wonderful for you?!
What do you think would change in your relationship if you devoted yourself to making life wonderful for your partner? Take some time to journal about this.
Don’t inhibit yourself, just let the pen flow with whatever wants to come out. Then write about what would change if your partner devoted him or herself to making life wonderful for you. What have you learnt about yourself and your relationship by writing the answers to these questions down?
Communication is big. Huge, in fact. Rosenberg’s four step strategy of non-violent communication is an invaluable life skill, not just for intimate partner relations. You can use it for conflict resolution in the workplace, or with your children, and of course, with your spouse.
Steps To Non-Violent Communication
State the facts of the situation, without evaluating it. For example, let’s take a silly scenario: Suppose your partner left the lid off the toothpaste, again.
If you were to say, “You’ve left a huge mess in the bathroom again: the lid is not on the toothpaste!”, it would be fair to say that this is your subjective evaluation of the situation.
However, if you said, “I notice you have left the lid off the toothpaste for the second time this week, John”, then this is a clear statement of the facts, (assuming John had, in fact, left the lid off the toothpaste two times in that particular week!).
Of course, this is a ridiculous example but hopefully you get the point. So, step 1, then requires you to state the facts of a given situation. Just the facts. No judgements, no embellishments, no personal interpretations. Just the facts.
State your feelings. Start with, “I feel”. So, the story so far goes like this:
“John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week. When I notice this, I feel disappointed”.
Identify and state your underlying need. Before we go any further, here are some lists* of common feelings and universal needs.
As human beings, we all have similar basic needs, so they are known as universal needs since they are common to all of us.
Look and see how many of the following feelings and needs are relevant to you.
When someone in a relationship is angry or hurt it’s important to understand what need is being unmet and has led to this breakdown. Often, these issues go unresolved, which means there is an unidentified problem that could eventually cause resentment. Identify the problem and deal with it head on.
to know and be known
to see and be seen
to understand and
celebration of life
Lists Source: (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication; www.cnvc.org
Use the lists to help you learn about and identify your feelings and needs. In the toothpaste lid scenario, what could your underlying need be? Remember that the lists are not exhaustive. Perhaps you really value orderliness, or hygiene, or a harmonious environment, an aesthetic sense of beauty and calm, or cleanliness? Perhaps you value all of these?
So, by now your statement is looking like this: “John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week. When I notice this, I feel disappointed, because I really value (or, I really need), a clean and beautiful environment.”
This is where you make a request of your partner. The bottom line of the entire exercise is to bring about a deepened sense of heart-centred connection (aka emotional intimacy) between you and your partner.
Remember that you may not necessarily get your needs met by your partner even though you make a request. In this case, you will learn about self-soothing, self empathy and compassion, which increases your connection to yourself.
Your request to your partner will be something doable, and specific. It will often start with the words, “Would you be willing to….”. Or, you could equally ask, “How do you feel when you hear me say this?”
Our scenario could now look like this: “John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week (Step 1, stating facts). When I notice this, I feel disappointed (Step 2, stating feelings), because I really value (or, I really need), a clean and beautiful environment (Step 3 stating needs). Would you be willing to consider this next time you use the toothpaste? (Step 4, making a request). I would love it if you would put the lid on!”
There is a lot to learn in order to use non-violent communication effectively, and the best way to learn is by putting it into practice. The miracle of non-violent communication is, that when you become more intimately connected to your partner, and acknowledge each other’s feelings and needs, solutions to problems often arise spontaneously.
When Your Partner Cannot Meet Your Needs
Realizing that your partner is only human can be a big help in establishing more emotional intimacy. No one can meet all the needs of another. So, when your partner inevitably falls short, instead of feeling hurt and angry, which will only create distance between you both, you can practise self-soothing.
You can do this by placing one hand over your heart and breathing into that area for a few moments. Say to yourself something long the lines of, “Jenny can’t help me right now, and that is ok. I can send myself the love and compassion I need right now”.
Then imagine sending yourself love and compassion. You may picture it as a pink or golden glow flooding to your heart, and gently surrounding it. Remember to breathe deeply into your belly and feel calmer as you do so. Consider other ways to get your needs met.
A big ingredient in non-violent communication is empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of your partner.
Self-soothing is like having empathy for yourself. Next time your partner is frustrated or upset, try practising having empathy for them. See if you can understand where they are coming from.
Can you see why they would feel that way? Can you keep your heart open and feeling compassionate towards them because you understand their situation? Then you are experiencing empathy.
Don’t forget that your partner uses non-verbal cues to speak to you, too. So, pay attention to their tone of voice, body language, their facial expressions, and gestures. This is all improving your emotional intelligence and in turn, it will improve your ability to be emotionally intimate.
Trust could be a major issue in relationships. How do you build trust in a relationship? Do you feel loved, supported and comforted? Do you feel safe and trusting, confident in your partner’s commitment to you? Do you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he (or she) will always be there for you, no matter what? Or, in a not so ideal scenario, is your partner emotionally cold, or distant, or downright unavailable? Are they able to show their emotions?
Are they able to express their emotions? Are they able to support you when you need it?
Conversely, how well do you rank in the emotional availability stakes?
Do you tell him (or her) how you feel? Do you express all your feelings, the positive as well as the not so positive?
Or, do either of you withdraw and isolate?
Just go with the first number that comes into your head. On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is not at all and 10 is completely, how strong would you say the emotional intimacy in your relationship is?
Ask your partner to answer the same question.
Are you in the same ball-park with the outcomes? Or, is there a huge discrepancy in your scores? What do you think that could be about? Maybe your partner feels quite satisfied whilst you are feeling neglected, isolated and alone? Or perhaps you are surprised to discover that whilst you are quite content, your partner is the one who feels less satisfied? Whatever your scores, don’t despair: there is always much you can do to improve the emotional intimacy between you.
This article is going to look at the work of three different relationship and communication experts to offer tips and strategies for building more trust and emotional intimacy in your relationship.
Firstly, consider whether you and your partner have the cornerstones that go into the making of a healthy relationship. Trust, above all else, is the key to an emotionally sound relationship. According to relationship experts and couples’ counsellors John and Judy Gottman, trust is the foundation on which a healthy relationship is built. Without it, you are unlikely to have, or be able to develop, any real emotional intimacy.
How well do you trust your partner? Have them answer the same question about you.
Do you trust him or her with your life? Or would you be hard pressed to feel confident sending them down to the corner store and have them come back with that hot sauce you requested?
Building trust in a relationship is the basic step for you to develop emotional intimacy.
It’s important because you need to feel safe in your relationship and you need to trust that, not only does that person have your back, they will protect you and cherish you. You can’t build emotional intimacy without first trusting each other.
If you don’t trust each other you may be left worrying that your partner will hurt you, it could hold you back from loving them completely. If you are experiencing doubt, worried that your partner isn’t being faithful (or any other issue) address it with them directly and do so immediately. There can be no emotional intimacy in your relationship until you first achieve trust.
Be aware of this when you find yourself in an argument – don’t go for the jugular to win the fight. This could irreparably damage the trust and makes it incredibly difficult to rebuild a healthy relationship.
Sometimes it is better to disengage from the battle until you both have time to calm down – it’s difficult to solve a problem properly when all either of you is interested in is getting the final word or scoring points against the other.
How To Build Trust
Be honest yourself. If you are not honest, your partner will sense something is slightly off; there will be just a hint of something not quite right, which will automatically put them on the defensive.
By the same token, trust your own instincts. If something feels off to you, it probably is!
Be authentic. Be yourself. If you are true to yourself your partner will know where they stand with you; they will come to know who you are, and they will know what to expect. If you are hiding parts of yourself, they will instinctively know, and it will make them feel uncomfortable.
Express your feelings. If you are not honest in expressing your feelings, you will bottle them up, and resentments, anger and hostility can subsequently build up. Withdrawal, isolation, frustration, loneliness and hurt can rapidly follow suit. Pretty soon you find yourself living with a complete stranger! Emotional intimacy in relationships has a lot to do with emotional honesty! Be real about how you feel. Be willing to talk about your feelings!
What does emotional-intimacy really mean? The easiest way to explain this is with the word empathy. There is a shared sense of it, a closeness, and whether you are in a romantic or platonic relationship, you feel able to show the other person affection, share your deepest feelings and darkest thoughts, and you don’t worry that they will jump to judgement.
Truly, emotional intimacy is present when someone is able to read you like a book and still want to continue the story. You are fully transparent to them and they’re happy to look at the view. If you have a romantic partner than also happens to be your best friend, well, this is a sign that you have created the perfect combination of intimacy, physically and emotionally.
It is possible to have emotional-intimacy with your friends, your romantic interests, and even members of your family. In fact, some people believe they have achieved this feeling with a pet. It’s an important aspect of physical and mental health – but it runs even deeper.
In terms of emotional intimacy, it can feel as though the experiences you go through are shared and understanding when you find yourself in certain positions how the other person would view them. That sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?
But, what if you find it difficult to get close to people? If emotional-intimacy is terrifying to you, there is hope – there are plenty of ways you can improve the emotional-intimacy in your relationships.
What is it that makes you push people away? What is stopping you from opening up and feeling intimacy with others? There could be a wide variety of reasons, whether someone has broken your trust before, you grew up in a home that wasn’t filled with affection, and you are just naturally cynical. No matter what your reason is, figure it out and think about it. Your reasons for it are very real, particularly to you, and it’s affecting your ability to get comfortable with others.
2.Take It Step By Step
When you start to behave differently, you can start to feel differently. So, while you may not feel relaxed or interested in intimacy, you can make little changes to improve that. If you are in a romantic relationship, you can start this by hugging them at moments where you wouldn’t normally hug. Perhaps before you, or they, leave for work or upon your return home.
When you think about it, there’s a good chance that the only time you physically touch others is during the act of sex. You can feel closer to each other if you increase your non-sexual touching. You will discover in no time that you feel closer and the non-sexual touching just becomes a habit. It may not feel natural initially but keep at it and it will become second nature. Take it one step at a time, a sudden change may be too much.
3.Understand The Difference Between Physical & Emotional Intimacy
For a lot of men, it’s easy to disconnect their feelings from the act of sex. Women, though, often feel that sex stems from intimacy. While this isn’t the same for everyone, it’s common for people to think that by being physically intimate they will be able to achieve emotional intimacy. While they may be related, that is simply untrue. It’s difficult to enjoy physical intimacy within a relationship when you and your partner aren’t truly connected. You must build that emotional-intimacy outside of the bedroom.
You have probably met someone who offered up big pieces of information about themselves and all at once. It’s like word vomit, and it is far too much way too soon. These types of people, though, are often strangers. They tell you all about their life, their hopes and dreams, even their anxieties, but they feel comfortable doing so because their expectation is that they will never see you again. You can rest easy knowing that person probably struggles with emotional-intimacy just as much, if not more, than you do.
You don’t need to drop your life story all at once – but you should offer up small disclosures over time. You should share what you think about things, and share information about who you are, and what led you to become who you are today. Don’t be afraid to share your hopes and dreams.
5.Don’t Try Too Hard
That being said… don’t get caught trying too hard either. If you overdo it you might just drive everyone away, be relaxed about sharing and making connections. Don’t go asking people a million questions, especially if you wouldn’t react well to those. Provide people with the space they need and allow intimacy a chance to build.
If you discovered that your root issue relates to previous hurt, this point is incredibly important. You are vulnerable and that can make you judge everyone by the same behavior that your past pain was caused by. It’s a bit like fight of flight – your unconscious mind is trying to protect you. Sometimes, though, it backfires and derails you from getting to know people. It leaves you with a belief that everyone will hurt you or let you down. Start training your unconscious mind to break the cycle by writing down all the ways a certain person is from the people who caused you hurt in the past.
It’s easy to feel hopeless when you label yourself as emotionally stunted or unable to achieve emotional-intimacy. These problems are rarely absolute, so think about when you have been close to someone else, whether it’s your dog, a friend from childhood or a member of your family. How did it feel to be so close to someone, what did it bring you? Imagine that feeling with others.
How To Manage Emotional Intimacy In A Relationship.
How do you manage Emotional Intimacy in a relationship? Do you really know what intimacy is? Many people are under the mistaken impression that it’s about romance, yet… intimacy is (or should be) a feature in every type of relationship. It simply means to make known, which means that you allow yourself to be truly known to those closest in your life, and in turn, you make the effort to truly know them.
While you can survive without intimacy, you certainly cannot thrive in the way you deserve. If you don’t allow yourself to connect with the people in your life you may grow lonely, become anxious, depressed, and potentially experience health problems, which may include an early death. Are you afraid of emotional intimacy? Here are some of the big signs that you are.
You’re Kind Of A Workaholic
Often, we brag about our dedication to our jobs and careers- but it could be a sign that you’re afraid of intimacy. Not only that but working long hours is rough on your physical health, too. While there are some jobs that may demand excess hours, for the most part, the people who bury themselves in their work do so as a choice. They are trying to avoid feelings of anger, sadness or shame. They do this by keeping busy, they can ignore their feelings easily and pretend they don’t exist. This is true even for those people in established relationships. It’s easy to get into a rut and for that routine to prevent intimacy. Why not have a weekly date night? This can be with your partner or a good friend you don’t see enough of. Do activities that you enjoy, but make sure the other person also enjoys them, you can always take turns choosing. Just be sure your phones are off, and you are focused on each other.
Do you have a partner that you refuse to introduce to friends and family? You are definitely afraid of emotional intimacy. If you keep your life segmented, you are hiding pieces of who you are from different groups of people in your life. This could be due to anxiety or a self-esteem problem, but the reason doesn’t matter. The issue is that you are unwilling to open your life and show them who you are on a deeper level. If this is all new to you, start with one person at a time and start breaking down your walls. It may be easier to do it in increments than by starting with a group, though… there is safety in groups and if the idea of sitting with your partner, parents, and yourself is terrifying, perhaps introducing your larger friend group on a casual night out may be the easier first step. It’s up to you.
Your History Proves It
Take a look at your history… is there a stream of broken platonic and romantic relationships? What happened? No one can say for sure, they just… didn’t work out. It might be your fear of emotional intimacy that caused this. While the thought of identifying negative patterns on your behalf isn’t the most pleasant thought, it might be a good way to break the hold your fear has over you.
Do you prefer to spend time in groups, avoiding spending one-on-one time with anyone? When you do spend time with someone do you choose activities that involve as little conversation as possible? You may have a fear of emotional intimacy. These fears run deep and often, you may find that the roots are in your childhood.
If you think this is a problem you’re experiencing you may want to consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you determine the root cause of the problem, which will help you eradicate your issues and allow you to flourish in life.