10 Kеу Hаbitѕ Of Hарру аnd Strоng Cоuрlеѕ In Relationship
Habits will always hаvе a huge imрасt оn your еvеrу relationship. Thiѕ iѕ whу it’ѕ еxtrеmеlу imроrtаnt tо create роѕitivе habits with уоur partner. Hеrе аrе 10 kеу hаbitѕ thаt уоu саn follow if уоu want tо hаvе a hарру аnd ѕtrоng relationship.
Mаkе ѕurе tо ѕnugglе a bit before уоu ѕtаrt оff your dау and before уоu gо tо bеd. Simрlу taking a few minutes tо hоld each оthеr in bеd in thе mornings and еvеningѕ will improve bоth уоurѕ and уоur раrtnеr’ѕ mооd.
Cultivаtе Common Intеrеѕtѕ
A lоt of соuрlеѕ have only a fеw intеrеѕtѕ in соmmоn. Evеn if you dоn’t hаvе any interests in соmmоn, you should tаkе the timе tо dеvеlор thеm. However, just like it’s important tо ѕhаrе a few intеrеѕtѕ with уоur partner, it’ѕ аlѕо crucial that уоu hаvе intеrеѕtѕ оf уоur оwn. Thiѕ will mаkе уоu bе more intеrеѕting tо уоur раrtnеr аnd уоu will аvоid bесоming too dependent.
Shоwing respect to уоur partner is оnе of the best hаbitѕ that уоu саn develop. Rеѕресting your partner iѕ extremely imроrtаnt if you want tо сrеаtе a hеаlthу аnd strong соnnесtiоn. Hаving rеѕресt fоr уоur раrtnеr means that уоu value them fоr whо you trulу are.
Share A Rituаl
Sharing a rituаl with your partner will hеlр kеер уоur rеlаtiоnѕhiр healthy. Having a ritual mеаnѕ thаt уоu will get to spend timе with уоur partner dоing ѕоmеthing that you both enjoy еvеrу dау. This саn bе аѕ ѕimрlе аѕ tаlking a wаlk in the еvеning, going to thе gуm tоgеthеr, оr hаving a сuр оf соffее in thе morning.
Hаndlе Individual Prоblеmѕ Aѕ A Tеаm
Hарру соuрlеѕ оftеn work together аѕ a tеаm in order to ѕоlvе individuаl рrоblеmѕ more efficiently. Remember that you ѕhоuld nеvеr bе аfrаid tо аѕk your partner fоr help. If уоu’rе in a happy and lоving rеlаtiоnѕhiр, then уоur раrtnеr will do еvеrуthing in thеir роwеr to hеlр уоu.
Be Generous With Compliments
Evеrуоnе loves gеtting соmрlimеntѕ, еѕресiаllу if thеу’rе соming frоm a реrѕоn whо thеу love аnd rеѕресt. It doesn’t matter hоw lоng уоu twо аrе tоgеthеr, it’ѕ аlwауѕ a gооd idea tо give your partner compliments.
Every соuрlе will hаvе diѕаgrееmеntѕ еvеrу nоw аnd then. Remember thаt diѕаgrееing оvеr something iѕ соmрlеtеlу nоrmаl and iѕ part оf every hеаlthу relationship. Hоwеvеr, it’ѕ hоw уоu hаndlе thе diѕаgrееmеntѕ that will set уоu apart from the unhарру соuрlеѕ. Yоu ѕhоuld viеw diѕаgrееmеntѕ аѕ opportunities to рrасtiсе hоw уоu resolve соnfliсtѕ.
Focus On The Thingѕ Yоu Likе Abоut Your Pаrtnеr
Many реорlе tend to focus оn thingѕ thаt thеу don’t likе аbоut thеir раrtnеr, which еvеntuаllу саuѕеѕ thеm tо wаnt to еnd thе relationship. Inѕtеаd, couples should hаvе a роѕitivе реrѕресtivе on thе rеlаtiоnѕhiр. However, knоw thаt this doesn’t mean уоu should ignоrе уоur раrtnеr’ѕ bаd hаbitѕ. If уоu hаvе a problem with a раrt оf your раrtnеr’ѕ bеhаviоr, уоu ѕhоuld bring it to their attention in a wаrm wау аnd attempt tо resolve уоur diffеrеnсеѕ in a lоving wау.
You ѕhоuld nеvеr expect your partner to be able tо rеаd your mind. Cоmmuniсаtiоn is key in every ѕtrоng rеlаtiоnѕhiр between couples. You ѕhоuld always diѕсuѕѕ your nееdѕ ореnlу inѕtеаd оf hoping fоr уоur раrtnеr will аlwауѕ knоw what уоu need.
Set Aside Time Tо Rесоnnесt
Most couples can’t kеер thеir hаndѕ оff еасh other at thе bеgging оf a rеlаtiоnѕhiр. Hоwеvеr, they ѕреnd mоrе timе араrt thаn together lаtеr оn. If уоu wаnt tо hаvе a ѕtrоng rеlаtiоnѕhiр with ѕоmеоnе thеn you nееd to find a wау tо set аѕidе timе tо rесоnnесt rеgulаrlу.
The More Practical Side of Love: Keeping Relationships Strong
We fall in love fast. It’s easy, it’s wonderful. We’re riding high and think ‘life can’t get any better than this.’ But keeping a relationship going requires much more than just love.
There are many factors that keep the spark alive which require both parties to be willing to work hard and invest time and effort.
Read on to for some of the best tips to keep your relationship strong.
While it may be true that the first thing to go after many years of being in a relationship is the physical intimacy, it’s important to maintain that aspect of your relationship, even if you have to schedule it in.
Stress, work, kids all put a strain on relationships. Do something new together, let loose and have fun. Take a night off, just the two of you, to rekindle the spark. Don’t talk about work or the kids; just enjoy each other.
You can also keep the connection through acts of kindness, sending warm, affectionate texts, placing ‘I love you’ notes in your partner’s bag, expressing gratitude.
Even a simple touch or hug can solder a relationship. In addition to making you feel good, physical affection lowers blood pressure, decreases stress levels and releases feel-good hormones.
Respect yourself and your partner
The main aspect of any successful relationship is not sexual attraction, shared goals or love; it’s respect. You may find yourself going through times when you’re not that attracted to each other, or your goals have changed.
Showing respect and belief in one another means you care for your partner and you care about relationship. Everything stems from respect; patience, trust and perseverance. Love matures if we devote the time to making the relationship work, which should be a daily thing and not something done only on special occasions.
Relationships constantly evolve. You can be in a bubble of unbridled passion one week, and the next week, you can’t stand the sound of their voice. But that, too, shall pass. Emotions fizzle, and that cute thing that your partner used to do now drives you up the wall.
Don’t try to change it because, let’s face it, you probably have a habit or two that drives your partner crazy as well. So, what to do? Accept it for what it is and move on. Focus on the positive traits and forgive the things you don’t like so much.
There are probably dozens of thoughtful things your partner does for you throughout the week, so let your partner know how much you appreciate them. If you send out loving, positive vibes, they’ll be reciprocated. And, in the same way, if you give off condescending and abusive vibes, that’s what you’ll get in return.
Set up rules
A game plan is crucial for smooth sailing. Set up rules according to what you like or dislike, as household chores, finances, parenting duties, and grocery shopping. You share a life together, and even though it may sound lame and utterly unromantic, it’s pragmatic.
It’s hard, but not every argument requires a speech and a haughty reaction. You can choose how you react during a fight. And it’s that reaction that will determine whether your relationship will end up stronger for it or will cause a rift that will take weeks to heal.
Pick your battles and try to look the other way whenever possible. Everyone makes mistakes; it’s not the end of the world. Being in a relationship means you’re committed to one another regardless of the circumstances.
Every morning you make a choice to love that person, respect them, enjoy their company, rely on them and be there for them to rely on as well. Sadly, many people panic once the initial stage of gazing longingly into each other’s eyes fades.
One reason why we feel so annoyed with our partners is lack of personal space. While we can’t control the factors that boost our stress levels, we can decide to give each other space to go out with friends, do something you enjoy doing on our own without your partner, and vice versa. This breaks the monotony of daily life, brings in new perspectives into your relationship, as well as new things to talk about.
Learn how to fight ‘right’
Your relationship is a living, breathing being. It grows with constant care and support, but it will face battles and beatings, which is good too. Fighting is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. It’s the way you fight that makes all the difference in the world. Here are a few things you should avoid during your fights:
• Name-calling and belittling your partner are 2 examples of what not to do during an argument. It brings contempt and gnaws away at the respect you have for one another.
• Attacking your partner’s character is another thing marriage counselors and psychologists advise against. Instead, blame the act itself, not the person.
• Grudging up past arguments only makes things worse and definitely puts a damper on reaching any real resolution to your actual problem.
• Be open to the idea that in a relationship, there’s no such thing as “winning” an argument.
A final note
That whole idea of ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t exist, nor should it. Real life, with all its unglamorous and messy affairs, is so much more meaningful and satisfying. It’s hard work, I kid you not, and yet through all of it, you’ll still feel that you’re the luckiest person in the world.
Are You Attracting The Wrong People? Finding love is an exciting test of trial and error. The adventure of meeting someone new and determining if their energy fits yours is invigorating. Often this hunt for love is met with its own set of challenges. Date after date soon turns into a never-ending stream of disappointments. Even once you find love, the unhappiness prevails and you’re back to square one.
One might wonder, “what am I doing wrong?” The law of attraction is powerful; with its own agenda even. We often attract what we plant into the universe. Could this endless list of negative callers be a result of your own doing? Is there a specific algorithm to determining attraction?
Are You Confident in Yourself?
When considering the type of individuals, you are attracting, it’s imperative to analyze your current mental state. Relationship expert Suzanne Lachmann states, “With low self-esteem, it can seem as if nothing comes easily or naturally to you. Instead, because you don’t see yourself as naturally lovable, you feel like you have to fight and claw and strive for a mate.” A lack of self-confidence is a tremendous red flag when it comes to attracting negative people.
It’s like a toxic person can sense this vulnerability and they prey upon it. They use manipulation tactics to govern their victim’s decisions. Guilt trips that subconsciously convince him or her to act in their behalf. Sadly, this causes the self-conscious person to doubt their self-worth. The attraction is so strong physically, it’s hard to determine what’s lethal and what’s constructive.
Are You Settling for Love?
Possessing a low-self-worth is the domino that begins a multitude of off putting characteristics that attract contradictory people. As the chips fall, complying with settling for less is another detrimental pheromone that attracts in-and-out mates.
When dating for an extended period of time, the pool of fish that match your needs seem to grow smaller and smaller. As opposed to waiting until you’ve found the one, you decide that having a partner is better than no partner. This involves lowering your expectations to fulfill some subconscious need.
Studies have shown that individuals who settle for less, have a suppressed fear of ending up alone. Since this mentality is derived from fear any sort of comfort or reassurance from a romantic interest will fulfill that need.
What does this look like? Typically, you compensate your needs. You deal with behavior, status and even physical looks that are far from what you deserve. The danger in this reasoning ceases your happiness.
Sure, the person you are currently dating may be a truly decent human being. However, are they right for you? Could they, in turn, be happier with someone else?
Over time, the annoyance of settling will have you back on your hunt for what you truly need. Compromising what’s important to you to feel a sense of belonging to another person is futile. It only ends in a never-ending cycle of searching and disappointment.
Are You Progressing in Life?
When searching for that special someone, it’s important to make sure your priorities are in order. Perhaps you are attracting the wrong people because you aren’t where you want to be in life.
Financial stability, workplace happiness, and future goals are all important factors to consider when planning your own life. If you aren’t striving for better, chances are you aren’t receiving quality romantic partners either. Relentless unhappiness in your current state and the expression of it will only attract negative people who are in the same boat.
Determining your self-value will, in essence, help you to understand what you need in a partner. They will respect you and you won’t feel like you’re sacrificing everything for love. To attract greatness, you have to strive for it.
Once you’ve developed a security within yourself, that positive light will shine on the person who will compliment you wholeheartedly.
The Art Of Non-Violent Communication In Successful Dating
In understanding the art of non-violent communication for successful dating, it will be necessary to reference the work of psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, who was a student of the humanist Carl Rogers, himself a founder of client centred counselling. Rosenberg developed what he called Non-Violent Communication, a simple four step process that is based on identifying and expressing feelings and needs.
The aim is to build a heart-centred connection with the other person, regardless of whether other needs get met or not. Another of the things Rosenberg was passionate about was whether you are “making life wonderful” for others.
According to him, one of our common human needs is the desire to contribute, and so making life wonderful for others is a way to fulfill this need. Think about your partner; how much of the time are you considering how to “make life wonderful for them”, as opposed to thinking about how your partner can make life wonderful for you?!
What do you think would change in your relationship if you devoted yourself to making life wonderful for your partner? Take some time to journal about this.
Don’t inhibit yourself, just let the pen flow with whatever wants to come out. Then write about what would change if your partner devoted him or herself to making life wonderful for you. What have you learnt about yourself and your relationship by writing the answers to these questions down?
Communication is big. Huge, in fact. Rosenberg’s four step strategy of non-violent communication is an invaluable life skill, not just for intimate partner relations. You can use it for conflict resolution in the workplace, or with your children, and of course, with your spouse.
Steps To Non-Violent Communication
State the facts of the situation, without evaluating it. For example, let’s take a silly scenario: Suppose your partner left the lid off the toothpaste, again.
If you were to say, “You’ve left a huge mess in the bathroom again: the lid is not on the toothpaste!”, it would be fair to say that this is your subjective evaluation of the situation.
However, if you said, “I notice you have left the lid off the toothpaste for the second time this week, John”, then this is a clear statement of the facts, (assuming John had, in fact, left the lid off the toothpaste two times in that particular week!).
Of course, this is a ridiculous example but hopefully you get the point. So, step 1, then requires you to state the facts of a given situation. Just the facts. No judgements, no embellishments, no personal interpretations. Just the facts.
State your feelings. Start with, “I feel”. So, the story so far goes like this:
“John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week. When I notice this, I feel disappointed”.
Identify and state your underlying need. Before we go any further, here are some lists* of common feelings and universal needs.
As human beings, we all have similar basic needs, so they are known as universal needs since they are common to all of us.
Look and see how many of the following feelings and needs are relevant to you.
When someone in a relationship is angry or hurt it’s important to understand what need is being unmet and has led to this breakdown. Often, these issues go unresolved, which means there is an unidentified problem that could eventually cause resentment. Identify the problem and deal with it head on.
to know and be known
to see and be seen
to understand and
celebration of life
Lists Source: (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication; www.cnvc.org
Use the lists to help you learn about and identify your feelings and needs. In the toothpaste lid scenario, what could your underlying need be? Remember that the lists are not exhaustive. Perhaps you really value orderliness, or hygiene, or a harmonious environment, an aesthetic sense of beauty and calm, or cleanliness? Perhaps you value all of these?
So, by now your statement is looking like this: “John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week. When I notice this, I feel disappointed, because I really value (or, I really need), a clean and beautiful environment.”
This is where you make a request of your partner. The bottom line of the entire exercise is to bring about a deepened sense of heart-centred connection (aka emotional intimacy) between you and your partner.
Remember that you may not necessarily get your needs met by your partner even though you make a request. In this case, you will learn about self-soothing, self empathy and compassion, which increases your connection to yourself.
Your request to your partner will be something doable, and specific. It will often start with the words, “Would you be willing to….”. Or, you could equally ask, “How do you feel when you hear me say this?”
Our scenario could now look like this: “John, I see you left the lid off the toothpaste twice this week (Step 1, stating facts). When I notice this, I feel disappointed (Step 2, stating feelings), because I really value (or, I really need), a clean and beautiful environment (Step 3 stating needs). Would you be willing to consider this next time you use the toothpaste? (Step 4, making a request). I would love it if you would put the lid on!”
There is a lot to learn in order to use non-violent communication effectively, and the best way to learn is by putting it into practice. The miracle of non-violent communication is, that when you become more intimately connected to your partner, and acknowledge each other’s feelings and needs, solutions to problems often arise spontaneously.
When Your Partner Cannot Meet Your Needs
Realizing that your partner is only human can be a big help in establishing more emotional intimacy. No one can meet all the needs of another. So, when your partner inevitably falls short, instead of feeling hurt and angry, which will only create distance between you both, you can practise self-soothing.
You can do this by placing one hand over your heart and breathing into that area for a few moments. Say to yourself something long the lines of, “Jenny can’t help me right now, and that is ok. I can send myself the love and compassion I need right now”.
Then imagine sending yourself love and compassion. You may picture it as a pink or golden glow flooding to your heart, and gently surrounding it. Remember to breathe deeply into your belly and feel calmer as you do so. Consider other ways to get your needs met.
A big ingredient in non-violent communication is empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of your partner.
Self-soothing is like having empathy for yourself. Next time your partner is frustrated or upset, try practising having empathy for them. See if you can understand where they are coming from.
Can you see why they would feel that way? Can you keep your heart open and feeling compassionate towards them because you understand their situation? Then you are experiencing empathy.
Don’t forget that your partner uses non-verbal cues to speak to you, too. So, pay attention to their tone of voice, body language, their facial expressions, and gestures. This is all improving your emotional intelligence and in turn, it will improve your ability to be emotionally intimate.
When you’re on the search for your perfect partner, you need to ask yourself: Are you a soulmate material? It’s easy to get overly focused on the person you’re looking for, not spending enough time also looking at yourself to see what you’re bringing to the relationship.
Self-reflection is important, and if you’re not the kind of person you’d want to date, then you might need to be making some changes. It’s important to remember that while you’re searching for your soulmate, your soulmate is also searching for you.
You have to be the kind of person inside and out that you think your soulmate would want to see. Don’t take this so far that you’re wearing a façade – a mask of who you really are – but put some effort into bettering yourself.
For example, if you go out to dates and just out in general dressed poorly in dirty clothes and haven’t bathed in a bit, it’s not very likely that your soulmate will think of you as their first choice.
Take the time, for your partner’s sake, to clean yourself up and make yourself look nice and clean. If you’re a guy whose beard is really unkempt and messy, take a minute to clean it up or have a barber do it.
Likewise, if you’re a girl who sticks her hair in a ball on top of her head instead of taking time to style it, you might go the extra mile. It might seem shallow to put a lot of stress on appearance, but it’s also the first thing people take into consideration when they first see you.
Of course, you have to be a soulmate material in more ways than just physical appearance. You ought to be in a good place mentally and emotionally as well before trying to find your soulmate.
As unfortunate as it might seem, a mound of emotional or mental issues isn’t the most attractive thing in a relationship, especially early on. If you’re not even content with yourself and the person that you are, you can’t expect someone else to think of you as their soulmate.
Work on yourself first before you try to bring in other people to your life. This can be done with therapists, by talking to friends, and even just by getting online help. You should also have some interesting aspects to you to make yourself more appealing to your soulmate.
If they asked you what you did for fun, would you really want to just say that you mostly sit around at home not doing much? Instead, pick up a hobby, develop an interest in something, or engage in a sport even that you can connect with them on at some level.