How To Build Trust In Your Relationship?
Trust could be a major issue in relationships. How do you build trust in a relationship? Do you feel loved, supported and comforted? Do you feel safe and trusting, confident in your partner’s commitment to you? Do you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he (or she) will always be there for you, no matter what? Or, in a not so ideal scenario, is your partner emotionally cold, or distant, or downright unavailable? Are they able to show their emotions?
Are they able to express their emotions? Are they able to support you when you need it?
Conversely, how well do you rank in the emotional availability stakes?
Do you tell him (or her) how you feel? Do you express all your feelings, the positive as well as the not so positive?
Or, do either of you withdraw and isolate?
Just go with the first number that comes into your head. On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is not at all and 10 is completely, how strong would you say the emotional intimacy in your relationship is?
Ask your partner to answer the same question.
Are you in the same ball-park with the outcomes? Or, is there a huge discrepancy in your scores? What do you think that could be about? Maybe your partner feels quite satisfied whilst you are feeling neglected, isolated and alone? Or perhaps you are surprised to discover that whilst you are quite content, your partner is the one who feels less satisfied? Whatever your scores, don’t despair: there is always much you can do to improve the emotional intimacy between you.
This article is going to look at the work of three different relationship and communication experts to offer tips and strategies for building more trust and emotional intimacy in your relationship.
Firstly, consider whether you and your partner have the cornerstones that go into the making of a healthy relationship. Trust, above all else, is the key to an emotionally sound relationship. According to relationship experts and couples’ counsellors John and Judy Gottman, trust is the foundation on which a healthy relationship is built. Without it, you are unlikely to have, or be able to develop, any real emotional intimacy.
How well do you trust your partner? Have them answer the same question about you.
Do you trust him or her with your life? Or would you be hard pressed to feel confident sending them down to the corner store and have them come back with that hot sauce you requested?
Building trust in a relationship is the basic step for you to develop emotional intimacy.
It’s important because you need to feel safe in your relationship and you need to trust that, not only does that person have your back, they will protect you and cherish you. You can’t build emotional intimacy without first trusting each other.
If you don’t trust each other you may be left worrying that your partner will hurt you, it could hold you back from loving them completely. If you are experiencing doubt, worried that your partner isn’t being faithful (or any other issue) address it with them directly and do so immediately. There can be no emotional intimacy in your relationship until you first achieve trust.
Be aware of this when you find yourself in an argument – don’t go for the jugular to win the fight. This could irreparably damage the trust and makes it incredibly difficult to rebuild a healthy relationship.
Sometimes it is better to disengage from the battle until you both have time to calm down – it’s difficult to solve a problem properly when all either of you is interested in is getting the final word or scoring points against the other.
How To Build Trust
- Be honest yourself. If you are not honest, your partner will sense something is slightly off; there will be just a hint of something not quite right, which will automatically put them on the defensive.
- By the same token, trust your own instincts. If something feels off to you, it probably is!
- Be authentic. Be yourself. If you are true to yourself your partner will know where they stand with you; they will come to know who you are, and they will know what to expect. If you are hiding parts of yourself, they will instinctively know, and it will make them feel uncomfortable.
- Express your feelings. If you are not honest in expressing your feelings, you will bottle them up, and resentments, anger and hostility can subsequently build up. Withdrawal, isolation, frustration, loneliness and hurt can rapidly follow suit. Pretty soon you find yourself living with a complete stranger! Emotional intimacy in relationships has a lot to do with emotional honesty! Be real about how you feel. Be willing to talk about your feelings!